yeah....Things will only get better

Seems like everyone's changing their blog layout? New Skins, New fonts, Everything NEW... Some even switch over to another blog altogether.

But I'm just plain lazy...
hahaha

No not going to preach here. But the true meaning of festive season, in my opinion is definitely sharing.

I'm glad that Singaporeans do actually have a heart of compassion. No gimmicks and stuff, no 1900 numbers and shit, no Condo and Cars , no death defying stunts. What we have , a real desire to help. This is the gracious society that we aim to achieve.

I'm not against the idea of us,the more afluent countries helping out third world societies. But I'm sure we can always begin at home. There are still quite a fair bit of needy people around us. I live just some 10-15mins drive away from Serangoon, but I don't know that some of my fellow Singaporeans are actually living in such conditions.

LINA beats me hands down for she truly understands the meaning of being poor. I'm not sure how can one survive on $2 for 4 days.

Yes, God has just reminded me how fortunate I am. Praise the Lord.

As we anticipate Christmas, let us not forget the less fortunate.

TODAY THURSDAY DECEMBER 24 2004
Wong Fei Wan
feiwan@newstoday.com.sg
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AS THE year-end festive spending spree reaches a fever pitch, this newspaper's report yesterday about a 13-year-old girl's quiet determination to lift her family out of the poverty trap led scores of readers to call or write in with offers of help.

One man walked into the Today newsroom with a cash gift in an envelope on which he had written "Lina & family". A lady turned up with several bags of groceries and gifts, along with a card and some cash, that she and her colleagues had got for the family.

About 80 other readers were moved similarly by the report, in Today's Face in the Crowd column, about how 13-year-old Lina (not her real name), her brother Awang and six-year-old sister Sofia help their parents sweep two HDB blocks in central Singapore during the school holidays.
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Their parents' lack of education, coupled with their mother's ill-health, limit their job and income-earning prospects. As daily-rated cleaners, the parents earn ? in a good month ? $600; it is a constant struggle for the family to find money for utilities and medical bill, bus fares and even food.

Several readers want to offer the parents work ? as a part-time domestic cleaners or a home-cleaning service job. Many want to make "small contributions" and give "small tokens" of cash.

One man said: "I think I can chip in with some spare cash on an ad-hoc basis. I will try to slot in some notes from time to time into the letterbox of the family. It may be a small amount, but at least it should be able to feed the family. Tell them it is from a simple taxi driver. Strictly no gimmicks involved."

There are also offers of books, toys and second-hand television sets, and one reader would like to arrange a quarterly supply of groceries, as well as next year's school textbooks.

Several readers want to pay off the $19 that Lina owes the National Library in fines and the $3,000 the family owes in utility bills, or to top up the parents' CPF accounts so they qualify for the next distribution of Economic Restructuring Shares.

Said one reader: "I am very moved by the story of the family. I am sure there are many others in Singapore who share the same plight, if not worse, whom we might never know about in developed Singapore. Having gone through hardship before, this is something very close to my heart."

Another said he was moved particularly by "the way the children have been taught to love one another and their appreciation towards the little things which they get and the love shown toward their parents".

Another reader simply wrote: "We need to do something. How can we offer help?"

I spent $5 on my lunch this afternoon. I sure did enjoy my lunch. Not too sure if it’s God’s means of ticking me off for being such a big spender, but I happen to chance upon this article that was published in yesterday’s TODAY.

I remember Chavez relating similar incidents but this really hit me hard, especially during Christmas , a time for sharing.

Today Thursday, December 23, 2004

The weight of the world on a girls’s tiny shoulders
13-year-old hopes life for brother and sister will be brighter
Wong Fei Wan
feiwan@newstoday.com.sg

LINA, 13, and her brother Awang (not their real names), a year behind her, can't wait to turn 14 so they can work part-time at McDonald's.

They badly want the money. Just so that their six-year-old sister, Sofia, can go to school with a full stomach and, unlike them, will not have to skip lessons because there is no money for bus fare.

While other children dream of the latest X-box and have maids to tidy up after them, these three siblings spent their school holidays helping their father and mother clean two HDB blocks in central Singapore.

Each block cleaned earns their family $10 a day, and every cent is precious.

Seeing how her illiterate parents struggle to put food on the table with their $600 income ? in a good month ? Lina says defiantly in a mixture of Malay and English: "Sometimes, I don't go to school because I want to help my mother earn money.

"If she is not feeling well, I can't let her work, but if we don't work, the clerk will cut our salary. How? Where are we going to get the money to pay for our food?"

At 13, this soft-spoken and reserved girl has taken on her own shoulders a role far beyond her age.

On the morning when this interview takes place, we are seated around a stone table with their mother, at the void deck where the siblings normally do their homework.

Lina hovers protectively, stroking her sister's waist-length hair as Sofia practises writing her ABCs in an exercise book.

When the baby-faced Sofia smiles, you can't help but notice that her milk teeth are jagged, with a slight yellow tinge. She still drinks her Milo out of a baby bottle, which Awang keeps in his knapsack.

"Mak, what's this?" asks Sofia in a piping voice, pointing at the letter "M".

Embarrassed and uncertain, the 44-year-old housewife turns to her eldest daughter: "This is "M" right?" ? to which the older girl nods.

Nothing but a mattress and radio

The mother's sense of helplessness is almost palpable.

It comes out in her initial reluctance to do the interview and her request for the family not to be identified for fear relatives might turn on them for "washing dirty linen in public".

She had shyly declined the request to hold the interview at their home, averring: "There's nothing at home. We have a single mattress on the floor for the children. Our 10-year-old television set broke down a few months ago and we only have a battery-operated radio."

Wheezing softly throughout the interview, the mother, who suffers from asthma attacks and high blood pressure, says she cannot find a job.

"I help my husband at his work because I don't want to stay at home and grow fat," she says matter-of-factly in Malay.

The day before, she adds, "we didn't work because he had to take me to the hospital. I hurt my leg".

For the couple, a trip to hospital not only means additional expenses (she cannot use her Medisave as her CPF account has been dormant since she stopped working six years ago) ? it also means $20 less in this month's pay packet.

The family has chalked up arrears in their utility bills of about $3,000 and face another cut to their water and electricity supply if they don't settle their bills soon.

"Abang (my husband) showed the PUB letter to his supervisor and asked whether he could lend us some money to pay off the bills," the mother says between sighs, while Lina and Awang shift in their seats uncomfortably.

Learning to do without

But the children have long since learnt to do without the amenities.

"The last time we didn't have electricity, we studied by using candles or I studied at the void deck," says Awang.

The siblings have also learned not to expect three square meals every day.

Says Lina: "Sometimes, we don't eat breakfast before we start working. When we go home, we will eat rice but if there are no dishes, we will eat rice with kicap (black sauce). When my mother has money, we will have fish, sardines and vegetables."

Just now, perhaps more so than most other Singaporeans, the family is glad the price of eggs has gone down.

"Yesterday, I gave money to Awang to buy two carton of eggs," says the mother with satisfaction.

And while other children take going to school for granted, the siblings cannot.

Awang, who will be in Secondary 1 next year, says: "I ponteng (skip school) when my mother doesn't have money to top up my fare card."

He passed his PSLE but is worried he might perform badly in Science and Mathematics.

Going for tuition, he knows, is out of the question.

Lina, who goes to a neighbourhood school in Serangoon, says earnestly: "When I don't have pocket money, I will sit at the study area to read. Do you know, $2 can last me four days. I don't eat, I just buy water."
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The family has twice received vouchers from their MP to settle their outstanding utilities bills.

A family service centre worker recently also approached the family to help with the children's pocket money and Awang had received free tuition from the service centre, while Muis has given help in the past.

But these temporary band aids cannot solve the father's lack of education or the mother's ill health ? which is why they do not have a steadier stream of income.

The point is not lost on Lina and Awang.

"I will study hard so that I can find a good job ? an office job," says Awang.

"My father and my mother are not educated. That's why it is hard for them to find jobs. They just work as sweepers, but it is an honest job."

Dreams of being a teacher

Lina, too, is determined to be a kindergarten teacher because she enjoys teaching "small kids like my younger sister".

She reveals that she owes the National Library about $19 in fines ? and, being unable to borrow books using her own card, "I bring my mother to the library so that she can borrow books for me," she says.

To make sure her siblings do not fall behind in their studies, Lina takes home storybooks that are discarded at the void decks and teaches them to read.

Of the three, only Sofia so far has received free textbooks from her school.

The fierce bond between the siblings and their parents is not lost to observers.

Little Sofia likes to snuggle in her mother's embrace while her older siblings look out for each other ? if one of them is out of sight even for a short while, they call out to each other.

At any one time, one of them is always with their mother ? just in case she gets out of breath while walking up the stairs to sweep the common walkway.

Lina and her brother say they sometimes feel sad that their baby sister can't have toys.

"I don't think she knows we are poor. She's still very young and carefree. She wants my mother to buy her toys and we feel guilty about it because we can't afford them," says Lina.

"When I was little, I also didn't know my parents have to work so hard but now I know. I hope by the time Sofia is older, I would have started working. I pray to my God that she doesn't be like me and my brother. I hope when she grows up, her life will be bright."

Is she shouldering too much, too soon, for a child just barely a teen?

Without even pausing to think, Lina says proudly: "I feel I'm fortunate because my parents love me. I don't care what other people say that we don't have money. It only makes me a stronger person.

"When I grow up, I will know how a poor person feels because I've been through it."

天将降大任与斯人也，必先苦其心智，饿其筋骨，空乏其身，行拂乱其所为。

I love this phrase and it has sort of became a kind of motivation for me when the going gets tough.

And I hope all of you will too....

Endure ya?

=)

Oh well.. I may have graduated and don't foresee myself stepping into any of the local Universities soon... but well you are looking at close to 6k per year and by no means is that cheap. I'm sure the counter arguement will be that it's already heavily subsidised and increasing costs and so on... especially that it never upped the fees for the last 3 years.

Okies...let's see when was the last time NS revised it's allowance? Last year? And when was the other time? Some 10-12 years ago. Now what about NUS/NTU? 3 years ago?

But hey it's so easy for them to increase the fees but it took them 10 years to realise that our NSFs are grossly underpaid?

But crap aside... is the increase in fees justified? Are the students getting quality professors overall? My gut feeling is that the majority of the professors are here to do research, to publish papers and NOT to teach. The students are defintely short changed. And now to upp the tuition fees to allow these people to do research? Hmm.. oh well. I'm not saying that all professors are like that... I have meet exceptional ones too. However, the environment is such that if you don't publish you get out. Education has taken a back seat. Without proper education, how do you develope researchers?

Okies... enuff said

妻结婚的时候，我是将她抱过来的。那时我们住的是那种一家一户的平房，婚车在门前停下来的时候，一伙朋友撺纵着我，将她从车上抱下来，于是，在一片叫好声中，我抱起了她一直走到典礼的地方。那时的妻是丰盈而成熟的娇羞女孩，我是健壮快乐的新婚男人。　

这是十年前的一幕。　

以后的日子就像是流水一样过去，要孩子，下海，经商，婚姻中的熟视无睹渐渐出现在我们之间。钱一点点地往上涨，但感情却一点点地平下去，妻在一家行政机构做公务员，每天我们同时上班，也几乎同时下班，孩子在寄宿学校上学。

在别人看来，生活似乎是无懈可击的幸福。但越是这种平静的幸福，便越容易有突然变化的机率。

我有了她。当生活像水一样乏味而又无处不在，哪怕一种再简单的饮料，也会让人觉得是一种真正的享受。　

她就是露儿。　

天气很好，我站在宽大的露台上，露儿伸了双臂，将我从后面紧紧抱住。我的心再一次被她感情包围，几乎让我无法呼吸。这是我为露儿买的房子。　
露儿对我说，像你这样的男人，是最吸引女孩子的眼球的。我忽然想起了妻，刚刚结婚的时候，她似乎说过一句，像你这样的男人，一旦成功之后，是最吸引女孩子的眼球的。想起妻的聪明，心里微微地打上了一个结，我清楚地意识到，自己对不起她。但却欲罢不能。　

我推开露儿的手，说你自己看着买些家具吧，公司今天还有事。露儿分明地不高兴起来，毕竟，今天说好了要带她去买家具的。关于离婚的那个可能，已经在我的心里愈来愈大起来，原本觉得是不太可能的事情，竟然渐渐地能在心里想像成可能。 只是，我不知道如何对妻子开口，因为我知道，开口了之后必然要伤害她的。妻没有对不起我的地方，她依旧忙忙碌碌地在厨房里准备晚上的饭菜，我依旧打开电 视，坐在那里，看新闻，饭菜很快上桌，吃饭，然后两个人在一起看电视，或是一个人在电脑前发会儿呆。想像露儿的身体，成了我自娱的方式。　

试着对妻说，如果我们离婚，你说会怎样？妻白了我一眼，没有说话，似乎这种生活离她很远。我无法想象，一旦我说出口时，妻的表现和想法。

妻去公司找我时，露儿刚从我办公室里出来。公司里的人的眼光是藏不住事情的，在几乎所有人都以同情的目光和那种掩饰的语言说话的时候，妻终于感觉出了什么。她依旧对着我的所有下属以自己的身份微笑着，但我却在她来不及躲闪的一瞬间，从她的眼神中读出了一种伤害。　

露儿再次对我说，离婚吧何宁，我们在一起。我点头，心里已经将这个念头扩到非说不可的地步了。　

妻端上最后一盘菜时，我按住了她的手。说我有件事要告诉你。　
妻坐下来，静静地吃着饭，我想起了她眼神中的那种伤害，此刻分明地再一次显出来。突然间觉得自己有些不忍，但事到如今，却只能说下去。咱们离婚吧，我平静地说着不平静的事。　

妻没有表现出那种很特别的情绪，淡淡地问我为什么。我笑，说：不，我不是开玩笑，是真的离婚。妻的态度骤然变化起来，她恨恨地摔了筷子，对我大声说，你不是人！

夜里，我们谁也没理谁，妻在小声地哭，我知道她是想知道为什么。但我却给不了她答案，因为我已经在露儿给我的感觉里无法自拔。　

我起草了协议给妻看，里面写明了将房子，车子，还有公司的30股权分给她。写这些东西时，心里是一直怀了对妻的歉疚的，妻愤愤地接过，撕成碎片儿，不再理 我。我感觉自己的心竟然隐隐地有些疼起来，毕竟是一起生活了十年的爱人，所有的温柔都将在未来的一天变成陌路一般的眼神，心里也有些不忍，但话一出口，毕 竟是来不及收回的。

妻终于在我面前放声大哭，这是我一直以来想得到的，似乎是释放了什么东西一般，几个星期以来的压抑的想法都随着妻的哭声而变得明朗而坚决起来。陪客户喝酒，半醉的我回到家中时，妻正伏在那里写着什么。我躺在床上睡去，醒来的时候，发现妻依旧坐在那里。我翻个身，再沉沉地睡去。

终于闹到了非离不可的地步，妻却对我声明，她什么也不要我的，只是在离婚之前，要我答应她一个条件。妻的条件简单，便是再给她一个月的时间，因为再过一个月，孩子就过完暑假了，她不想让孩子看到父母分开的场面，而且，在这一个月里还要像以前那样生活。　

我接过妻写的协议，她问我，何宁，你还记得我是怎么嫁过来的吗？蓦地，关于新婚的那些记忆涌上来，我点头，说记得。妻说，是你将我抱进来的，但是我还有个 条件，就是要离婚了，你再将我抱出这个家门吧。这一来一去，都是你做主好了，只是，我要求这一个月，每天上班，你都要将我抱出去，从卧室，到大门。　

我笑，说：好。我想妻是在以这种形式来告别自己的婚姻，或是还有对过去眷恋的缘故。我将妻的要求告诉了露儿，露儿笑得有些轻佻，说再怎么还是离婚，搞这么多花样做什么。她似乎对妻很不屑，这或多或少让我心里不太舒服。　

一个月为限，第一天，我们的动作都很呆板。因为一旦说明之后，我们已经有很久没有这么亲密接触过了，甚至连例行的每周两次的做爱时间也取消了，每天都像路 人一样。儿子从身后拍着小手说，爸爸搂妈妈了，爸爸搂妈妈了，叫得我有些心酸。从卧室经客厅，出房门，到大门，十几米的路程，妻在我的怀抱里，轻轻地闭着 眼睛，对我说，我们就从今天开始吧，别让孩子知道。我点头，刚刚落下去的心酸再一次地浮上来。我将妻放在大门外，她去等公交，我去开车上班。　

第二天，我和妻的动作都随意了许多，她轻巧地靠在我的身上，我嗅到她清新的衣香，妻确实是老了，我已有多少日子没有这么近的看过她了，光润的皮肤上，有了细细的皱纹。我怎么没发现过妻有皱纹了呢，还是自己已是多久没有注意到自己这个熟悉到骨头里的女人了呢。　

第三天，妻附在我的耳边对我说，院子里的花池拆了，要小心些，别跌倒了。
第四天，在卧室里抱起妻的时候，我有种错觉，我们依旧是十分亲密的爱人，她依旧是我的宝贝，我正在用心去抱她，而所有关于露儿的想像，都变得若有若无起来。　

第五天，六天，妻每次都会在我耳边说一些小细节，衣服熨好了挂在哪里，做饭时要小心不要让油溅着，我点着头，心里的那种错觉也越来越强烈起来。　
我没有告诉露儿这一切。　

感觉到自己越来越不吃力了，似乎是锻炼的结果，我对妻说，现在抱你，不怎么吃力了。妻在挑拣衣服，我在一边等着抱她出门。妻试了几件，都不太合适，自己叹 了口气，坐在那里，说衣服都长肥了。我笑，但却只笑了一半，我蓦然间想起自己越来越不吃力了，不是我有力了，而是妻瘦了，因为她将所有的心事压在心里。那 一瞬间，心里紧紧地疼起来，我伸出手去，试图去抚妻的额角。　

儿子进来了，爸爸，该抱妈妈出门了。他催促着我们，似乎这么些天来，看我抱妻出门，已经成了他的一个节目。妻拉过儿子，紧紧地抱住，我转过了脸不去看，怕 自己将所有的不忍转成一个后悔的理由。从卧室出发，然后经客厅，屋门，走道，我抱着妻，她的手轻巧而自然地揽在我的脖子上。我紧紧地拥着她的身体，感觉像 是回到了那个新婚的日子，但妻越来越轻的身体，却常常让我忍不住想落泪。　

最后一天，我抱起妻的时候，怔在那里不走。儿子上学去了，妻也怔怔地看着我说，其实，真想让你这样抱到老的。　

我紧紧地抱了妻，对她说，其实，我们都没有意识到，生活中就是少了这种抱你出门的亲密。

停下车子的时候，我来不及锁上车门，我怕时间的延缓会再次打消我的念头。我敲开门，露儿一脸的惺松。我对她说，对不起露儿，我不离婚了。真的不离了。　
露儿不相信一般看着我，伸出手来，摸着我的头，说你没发烧呀。　

我打开露儿的手，看着她，对她说，对不起露儿，我只有对你说对不起，我不离婚了，或许我和她以前，只是因为生活的平淡教会了我们熟视无睹，而并不是没有感情，我今天才明白。我将她抱进了家门，她给我生儿育女，就要将她抱到老，所以，只有对你说对不起。

露儿似乎才明白过来，愤怒地扇了我一耳光，关了门，大哭起来。我下楼，开车，去公司。

路过那家上班时必经的花店的时候，我给妻子订了一束她最喜欢的情人草，礼品店的小姐拿来卡片让我写祝语，我微笑着在上面写上：我要每天抱你出家门，一直到老。