yeah....Things will only get better

I have all this while suspected the connection, the name are just too similar.

The Army Captain that just collasped and died after completing the AHM is the younger brother of a reservist mate of mine. I don't know him that well but nevertheless when you know that someone you know is suffering from the lost of a loved one, the feeling isn't good too.

My prayers and condolence to your family and you, Si Yu.

Have been very surprised of late. Many of my old friends just sort of called me up.

About a week ago, JL from my primary school left me a message on friendster indicating an intention to meet up for a gathering. I have no reasons to doubt her, she's not some salesperson or whatever, trying her luck for an opportunity. In fact she's teaching at a school that I have some friends there. She threw up some names that brought back memories.

Well, the gathering didn't go ahead; most of us couldn't make it. I believe such things are inevitable. But I shall keep my fingers crossed.

This morning, Cpt AP dropped me a msg on msn. Haven't seen him for a very long time already. Seldom talk to him on msn, hence another surprise. NC dropped me another msg and shared with me some encouraging words. Thanks gal.

But the greatest surprise was during lunch time. Someone tapped me on the shoulder and called me by my chinese name. Ok I know this is the lunar seventh month but no worries, I know the person. She taught my brother the guzheng some time back. She's behnd me in queue with her husband. Very loving couple and yes that's the man that would feel very much at home at AS1. (Pls refer to the quote from Ms Wong). While we were communicating, her husband helped her to pick the ingredients she would want for her yong dao fu. And yes he got it right. After which , he went over to some other stalls for his own lunch. He was seated at a coner but his names were on the stall. Upon which his wife's order was ready, he sprang up from his seat tp help his wife carry her food.

Laoshi, as I have known her for ages, passed me a card. But paiseh ... I didn't carry my card with me. She sent her regards to my brother, her student. But unfortunately, he's now in USA. Shall sent him an email with her number and email.

I haven't learnt from her before. I don't even know how to play this instrument , say for one or two simple pieces. But well she remembered me as the elder brother of Zijian( my bro's chinese name).

It was a short encounter. But that left me thinking. Is that God's way of hinting to me that I've neglected my past as I've moved in in life? Or am I just being nostalgic again????

Yes, the month's drawing to a close.

And I believe, there's no better quote than this coming from our very dear Ms Wong. Don't think there will be a better quote till the end of this month... so there you have it...

" 我觉得AS1 的男人都很会照顾老婆。。。“

Thanks for the compliments =)

That was my teacher's response when she heard of my break up.

Seriously I don't know what to say. It was painful and it still hurts when I think of it.

Perhaps I'm the old fashion person. Perhaps I'm a tad too nostalgic for my own good. Perhaps there's not perhaps( Think Chinese.. think the old song)

But whatever it is, thank you for asking. =)

As he walked across the corridor, he was hauled up by the discipline master. For his bearing and turn out.

" This is the 5th time I've caught you not horrible uniform!" bellowed the DM.

" Eh Cher... fuck you understand!! don't be such a chee bye la..."

And he just walked off. The entire school heard that.


*********************************

The scene was at the principal's office.

" Mr T* , I hope you understand but what your son has committed is a very severe offence and has be caned in public. We have our rules and regulations..."

The father interrupted .

" You can caned him, but it has to be in private. I don't see how you can justify caning and humiliating my son in front of his school mates."

************************************

I'm not sure how can this be possible some 10- 20 years ago when I was still a student. In fact, dad went to the principal's office and gave the principal his fullest support and consented to him dishing out punishment as he deems fit. I wasn't the most obedient of student I assure you that but I don't recall being caned in public. I was afraid to in fact.

I wasn't an angel. No where near there. But I was and still is a law abiding citizen. All thanks to my parents and my schools.

Mom and Dad knows that they are too busy with their work. In fact the child spends most of his time at school. He learns best there. It only makes sense to empower the teachers and to have faith in them, that they will be doing what's best for your child.

And if the school doesn't cane your child, it'll be too late if he gets it in Changi Prison some time later.

Should you ever need a listening ear, please feel free to contact me. If you do not feel comfortable sharing your problems with me, it's ok. Do let me know how I can help. I have my contacts to counsellors and would be more than willing to pass them on to you or whoever that might need it.

I'm not too sure who you would prefer to share your problems with, perhaps your preferred person is not available or perhaps he isn't willing to listen. But nevertheless, please get it off your chest. It is much healthier that way.

It is a very sad thing to have some issues that you wish to get it out of your chest but it seems like no one is willing or is available for you. You look around, you see your friends, happy and chirpy and you ain't willing to spoil their mood. You closest of friends seemed to be fully occupied with their everyday lives and have no time for you.

But all is not lost. If you really need to find someone to talk to, please, please and please look for me. You decide what you want to tell me and what you do not want to. Yes, you would have stand on your own feet again, someday, on your own. We won't always be around to help you. But we all need a helping hand someday.

For all you know , I might need more from you someday??

ah... getting sore throat again... not a nice feeling. can only hope that things will get better

Author: Not me

Chapter 1

This song was blaring from one of the computers in office. Normally I would just ignore it or put on my ear phones. But this is a very positive song. I remember Jas likes this and would sing it at kbox. But yeah... the lyrics are very meaningful too. Full of hope, full of zeal. Really perked me up =)

I shan't put it here in my blog but if you're interested, here's the link to youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxkALb9y1oo

主唱：楊培安

想飛上天 和太陽肩並肩
世界等著我去改變
想做的夢從不怕別人看見
在這裡我都能實現

大聲歡笑當你我肩並肩
何處不能歡樂無限
拋開煩惱 勇敢的大步向前
我就站在舞臺中間

我相信我就是我 我相信明天
我相信青春沒有地平線
在日落的海邊 在熱鬧的大街
都是我心中最美的樂園

我相信自由自在 我相信希望
我相信伸手就能碰到天
有你在我身邊 讓生活更新鮮
每一刻都精采萬分 I Do Believe

Sitting at a corner of the hotel lobby, the grand lady of the foyer. Elegant, simply stunning. I sat next to her, admiring every single curve of her body.

I ran my fingers through every key and button, recalling the good old days. I didn't have a score with me but then again I really doubt my ability to perform to the script. IF my memory serves me right, the very last time I laid my fingers on a piano was some 8-10 years ago.

I wasn't trained in piano but I've learnt the organ when I was much younger. If there's a regret in my life so far, that is to give up playing the organ. I hate to say this but I feel remorseful. My parents were extremely supportive and provided me with all the opportunities. I didn't appreciate this for I simply cannot understand how does sitting for an examination, passing it and getting a certain grade puts me in a league of "musicians". It doesn't, not at all.

I never liked what I played; in fact, the pieces that I've enjoyed most were the Christmas songs that I've bugged my teacher for it. She saw no point for that "won't help me pass my exams". Perhaps she would make an excellent tutor, or for that matter a MOE staff, an education officer. Very results oriented.

During my secondary school days, I remembered the piano at a corner of the school hall. I mean don't most school halls have a piano? I tried my hand at it. Well, things were different but the basic chords remained the same? A "C" is a "C", F# is F#.... you see the same " dao gays" on the scores right? I wasn't a very good player and was limited to simple pieces. But i found joy in music. I wasn't musically inclined; in fact I'm not much better now. However, I enjoyed the moments by the piano.

When the movie " He's a woman, She's a man" (金枝玉葉) was out, the ever popular song "Chase" (追) stuck on me until this very day. I tried my very best in trying to figure out where and how to start playing again. But some things, once lost, you can never get it back.

A young girl about 14 years of age approached me.

" May I, sir?" she pointed to the baby grand.

I smiled. " Most certainly!"

As she ran her deft fingers over the keys, the ever familiar tune filled the otherwise silent lobby. Yes, it's that song alright! As I made my way back to the hotel room, the wonderful days of yesteryear came running back.

I felt as if I've met a long lost friend.

追

这一生 也在进取这分钟 却挂念谁
我会说 是唯独你不可失去
好风光 似幻似虚 谁明人生乐趣
我会说 为情为爱 仍然是对
谁比你重要 成功了败了也完全无重要
谁比你重要 狂风与暴雨都因你燃烧

一追再追 只想追赶生命里一分一秒
原来多么可笑 你是真正目标
一追再追 追踪一些生活最基本需要
原来早不缺少 ha...
有了你 即使平凡却最重要

好光阴 纵没太多 一分钟 那又如何
会与你 共同渡过 都不枉过
疯恋多 错误更多 如能从新做过
我会说 愿能为你 提前做错

谁比你重要 成功了败了也完全无重要
谁比你重要 狂风与暴雨都因你燃烧
一追再追 只想追赶生命里一分一秒
原来多么可笑 你是真正目标
一追再追 追踪一些生活最基本需要

原来早不缺少 Oh... 只得你
会叫我仿佛人群里最重要

有了你 即使沉睡了
也在笑

Francis * stomped into the room.

" Tell me straight in the face that you want a break up and please don't sms things like 'I think it's no longer possible between the two of us'. If you want to be treated like an adult, please behave like one."

She stood up. There was silence in the room.

He recomposed himself and asked, "Is there a 3rd party?"

She looked shocked and paused for a while. She shook her head.

****************************

Francis was in shocked. He looked at the pictures sent to him. It showed Stella * with Bryan, holding hands. Bryan was her colleague. And it was only 2 mths after their "split".

************************************

I've met Francis on the plane. He was seated at the next seat across the aisle. He looked troubled but nevertheless, he initiated a conversation with me.

"It's been 5 years. How could she?"
******************************************

Oh well my dear friend, any thing's possible? People have extremely short term memory and I must say selective ones too. Learn to love yourself , protect yourself. Be selfish. I'm sorry to offer you this piece of advice. But before you can love again , you have to learn to love yourself (again).

What's this thing call feeling? Just like the stock market. You go through the ups and downs, the highs and lows. You win some, you lose some. When the market is bullish, people forget about the pains they've been through during a crash. When there's a crash, people cry over spilled milk. So do you want to be in this game?

**************************************

Sorry God , but I'm unable to do what You have have taught.

*****************************

" So are you still friends with your former girlfriends?" That was the last question of our conversation before we got off the plane.

I took a deep breadth.

" No. I don't think we'll ever be, regardless of the situations leading to our split. When I'm single, I don't wish to be reminded of the feeling of being 'kicked out.' When I'm seeing someone, I treasure her and have no wish to subject her to any kind of unwarranted jealousy."

I know I'm fucking selfish. But well that beats being subjected to another round of emotional turmoil ?

I've more important things to attend to than to allow unnecessary thoughts to undermine my efforts in living my life again.

" It won't make you feel any better "

* Name's been changed to protect the identity of the person.

I won't claim to be a super popular person... I don't have many friends one leh.... I also don't claim to be super evil... don't think I have enemies... or even have I also don't know... but it took me by surprised that I've received a hate mail.

And I shall reproduce it below.. and by the way errors not mine hor...


Dear Malcolm,

It's a pleasure reading what you have on your very blog, http://malcolmloke.blogspot.com.
However, I would like to bring to your attention that what's written make very good ingredients for soap. If you should permit , I shall be forwarding your contact to Lux.

You never fail to make me cry and I hate you for that. Do you have any happier stuff ?? Doesn't matter your f-up language... you're the cause of mom's scoldings. For she's always very annoyed of the wastage of Kleenex.

Thanks again and I hate you

XXXX
( Signed)

Now...I didn't know that I'm so powerful. I have no intention to go into script writing , though I won't mind one year's supply of Lux products... not that I'm smelly but well... free one mah....

I was thinking of that soap commercial that I use to catch on TV when I was a kid.Can't remember the name... but you see someone craving out this human like figure and placed under running water? The figure made out of the " other brand of soap" disintegrated faster. Can anyone recall?

But nevertheless, thanks for this "hate mail". I didn't know I got following one leh....

Wah... the plunge carries on....

If the Indices are competitors at an Olympics diving competition, I'm sure they would score several 9's or/and 10's.

Nevertheless, I'm still optimistic of the general trend, at least till the end of the year.

**********************************

There's this major earthquake at Peru that measured 7.7 and tsunami warning's been raised. I feel so blessed that we're not facing such disasters over here in Singapore. Never mind the quake in the STI, this is where I wanna be.... (Chey... so cheesy hor.. this is still during National Day Celebrations period)

I believe that your passing out is anytime soon or perhaps it's already over... whatever it is... Congrats for a job well done.

时常在戏里 可以听到这一句台词。

难道在现实生活，这句话也就那么常听得到吗？

“嗨。。。还有什么可以谈的”

不常常到KTV并不代表不喜欢唱歌，到了却又不怎么唱也并不代表什么。。。

只因为这样而断定了一切不会太可惜了吧。

********

Song of the moment: On the side of me

'On The Side of Me'
By Corrinne May

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
on the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...

Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

***********************

I need to sleep..... good nite

It's not that hard to say sorry after all.

***************

Thanks Uncle Li for the offer. I don't think it's possible at this point in time. Bro's not in Singapore and I simply have no wish to carry on. Yes, I don't deny the dough is good but well, it's a case of me placing more worth on other things.

And yes, I have 3 legal binding contracts that require me to stay in Singapore, otherwise I would have to find replacements. It's never easy finding 1 , let a lone 3. All I can hope is that these 3 people won't pang seh me.... haha

I'll have to stay.

***************

Sorry to this teller from this bank in AMK Hub. Yes, it happened some 2-3 mths back. Was in a very irritable mood. Shan't go into the details again, anymore.

Doesn't matter if she's in the wrong, or was it her manager. If the branch manager, teller and customer service officer cannot communicate the same issue in a unified tone, I don't know how am I have faith in them. Tell me who is right ?

I didn't care then for I only wanted to get it settled. Yes, I raised my voice. Completely irritated and infuriated. If their CEO can be earning millions, if they can be paying us peanuts, I would expect much better service.

But well some 2-3 mths later, I saw this teller again. She's at least 6 mths pregnant.

Sorry for raising my voice. Shouldn't have shouted at a woman, especially when her child is with her.

******************

So sorry

Well he can't possibly give/present/hand over the nicely wrapped lily to her with his gf next to him mah... and yes I'm the only singleton around so I'm the only person " politically correct" to do so. Doesn't matter anyway, not as if I didn't do it before.

Yes I don't normally give flowers. Call me a die hard unromantic guy; in fact the ex has openly expressed her "displeasure" of me not giving her enough flowers and did it in front of her dad too? =) I think it was at her convocation.

But well, I believe it would have a different meaning if this lily was a gift to her from someone else. But bo bian la, sometimes life is like that. SO... I have to stand in la...That night my handphone kept "ringing " non stop, very siong leh. I had to go out to get better reception.

The food is not bad, but the music sucks. The buffering is really scary . And please don't ask me what kind of genre is that... I really have no idea.


**************

Anyway.. Happy Birthday Ms Wong!

Seriously I have no idea what I should be saying to my dear Singapore on this very Special day. Yes 42 years already, so much older than I am.

Seems like this year's parade is going to be so much more special and unique. It will be on water, floating like a boat. Not too sure how much it will cost the Nation, somehow they never reveal such costs but well, we trust them too much hence, we never ask. This year is no exception.

This day is for Singaporeans, but I 'm not too sure if the majority of the crowd consist of Singaporeans. It doesn't matter in fact, just glad that my nation can provide a place for people of other nationalities to enjoy in.

*************

It's the very day that David would take out his sword and coat it with a thick layer of Singer Oil. The very one that was presented to him for his commission. A day of patriotism, passion and emotions.

*************

They decided to hold a memorial for my great grandma on this day to mark her first year death anniversary. How time flies.


**************

I still love you, you know?

*************

Happy Birthday Singapore!!

I never had a liking for pink; maybe it's because of the "feminine" connotation or because of the "girlie" feeling. It's not that bad a colour but well, somehow I just would rather not be linked to it.

I often see PM Lee in a pink shirt or something. Well he doesn't look too bad. I guess it's a case of some can some cannot. He looks good in pink; but hell no, I don't look good in pink. Hahaha...

*************

She carries her laptop in a pink holder and is a lover of the colour.

When everything's over between CK and her, we often teased CK about the colour. But well, he would just shrug it off.

Recently, at least recent one or two years, I realised CK in pink shirts. He looks good in them I must say and is more cheerful as before. A good way to get over the ex?

Ah.. perhaps I should put on more purplish things eh??

=)

I think I saw her in a Police Car as I drove out of Novena Church.

Well... doesn't matter I guess

=)

Paiseh hor, not that I want to dao you all, just that the connection here very siao siao... sometimes I can't receive your messages and sometimes you can receive my replies...

Got the Singnet person over before but well the problem is still not solved. So i guess I will have to keep bugging the person.

*******************
Caught the sunrise this morning. Simply Wonderful. Will try to catch the sunset some time. Tried to catch it at Labrador Park the other time but wasn't successful, the clouds seem to be over protective.

*********************************

Today Toto first prize is 6 million over.... good luck to all =)

a bit the weird leh... not quite used to it. but i guess one has to be flexible? Have no idea that particular model of macbook pro is out of stock...and that salesperson can't give me a date, except to ask me to place a deposit and wait.

i would rather wait... come'on you can do better than that??

**********************

he may not be the cutest guy around, or the most humourous, or the richest, but well, if i'm a female, i believe i will choose someone of his sort as my partner.u noe... no frills... wad u see is wad u get, what u get is wad u see....

he is genuine in his dealings with all. i still remember his comments on getting us to organise more outings and to get W along. Afterall Jas is far away.... W will get lonely and bored....

ah... i guess i'm a simple minded person afterall??

************************

ah... hot day.. ideal for a cold shower....

**********************

Ok.... Windows does need some getting used to again.. wahahaha

As above... laptop has gone to sleep, need to get a replacement. In the meantime,entries will be a bit slow.

=)

CJ gave me a call in the middle of the night...

"Bro you know the stock market crashed....."

Oh... why would I not know. I won't term it the end of the bull and the start of the bear, but well, yes the impact was felt by all. I won't say I'm totally not shaken by this. Yes, the value of my stocks just underwent the Great Singapore Sale with lotsa discount. There's no way I'm going to offload them in order to "cut loses" simply because I am confident of my counters. They will rise again.

I'm a long term investor and yeah... I don't play contra and margin. I don't think the situation of 97 is identical as what it is today. The stocks we have now have much better fundamentals and touch wood, there won't be another clob.

I really wonder how many are affected by this, I certainly don't wish to see another 1997. Whatever it is, hang in tight.

According to Jack Neo's film, the definition of professional is as such:

Kang chiao cho,
jin liong cho,
boh pao ho,
lui chiao siu

Ah... no wonder everyone wants to become a professional

As above...