yeah....Things will only get better

M just sent me an sms (Not me lah.. I don't sms myself). His gf of 4 yrs has decided to call it quits and they broke up. Seems like not only do we share a smiliar initial, we share a smiliar fate at a smiliar time when it comes to affairs of the heart.

"Don't you want to know the reason of the break?" M asked.

Seriously, nope. Not at this point of time.It's best for the wound to heal. 4 years ain't short. It does seem to me that the same old bullshit of a couple being together for x number of years would build a firm foundation that can weather all storms together doesn't hold true at all. They've been through the killer NS period whereby many relationships were broken.

"But she told me that the feeling is gone"

Sigh. This was what she told me too.

" I tried to see if we can work things out but she was very much against it"

Well my dear M. Seems like we do share many common points. All I can say is that the moment one party refuses/sees no point/is against working out something from the relationship, it is destined to fail. I'm not saying that by putting in effort to save a relationship would defintely work. My point is if you don't even try ( and when I mean try, both parties really put in their heart and soul to try and not some half hearted attempt) , please don't talk about anything else. This is the greatest failure of all. Infidelity, phsyical abuse and so on comes nowhere close to this.

I gave M a call and he was surprised at my break-up too and of course the similarities.

"Sharon says we can still be friends; afterall the element of friendship is something that we can still cherish"

I'm not sure about former lovers remaining as friends. To put it mildly, I'm dead set against it. Especially in such a circumstance.

We're better as friends than lovers . What does this statement tell you?

That the number of years toegether come to nothing as one party( or both parties) try to salvage something after the breakup. Normally if this "salvaging" portion is done before the break-up, I don't think a question such as " Can we still be friends? " would be necessary.

If the break-up is really ineveitable whereby both parties tried their very best to make things work but failed, I believe the answer is very straightforward in the sense that the two of them would really know whether they are really suited to be friends or not. No one really need to ask. You just know it.

However, when no real effort is put in to save a relationship and the easy option of giving up is exercised (regardless of whatever the circumstances are) please spare everyone the agony. Move on. God willing, someday, the former lovers happen to meet up and reminsnece of the good o'days( sounds like Jean Danker's Car Tunes to me) , that's a different story. Time may cure the wounds, but it's no guarantee. Maybe the wound would be sitched up immediately, maybe it's an open wound infected. Try rubbing salt into it and you'll kill the heart and then the pain's gone. =p

Do you hate her for giving up? M asked. Seems like this 23 year old seems more interested in my situation than his.

A sudden pain stabbed into my heart. I have a ready answer for that but somehow the words are too painful to be uttered. No, I don't hate her. I wish I did. I have never been brought up to hate somebody but to forgive if wronged upon. But the issue here is that she did no wrong so to say. We're not married, there's absolutely no reason for her to try so hard. Even if she did, that's her choice. Put it simply, there's no compelling reason. The number of years together doesn't seem to be of any significance in attempting to put things right anymore. Even for married couples.

Jasmine once told me that the younger generation of today (P-65 perhaps) are less likely to ride out the bad times with their partners. What she probably meant was within a marriage. I am of the opinion that throughout a marriage, there will defintely be instances whereby the feeling is gone. Perhaps it is no longer a matter of " We must try to make things right again " but more of " Would I want to attempt to make things right again or Is it worth my efforts ? ". Perhaps this change in attitude contributed to the rising divorce rates in Singapore?

Again,there's no right or wrong here. If there's any, perhaps the greatest wrong I had committed was to fall in love and to give my all, throughout the 3 over years. Only to see it crumble within a week and to see all efforts on my part to save the relationship come to nought. Perhaps I didn't try hard enough, perhaps she wouldn't allow me to do so, perhaps the whole situation doesn't permit me such a luxury. Perhaps there's no expIaination so to speak. I only had 2-3 days for my feeble attmeplt before the dreadful phonecall. Then again, who said loving someone is blissful? It's always painful. To be loved is bliss, to love is pain.

Mom once warned me not to do anything stupid and let Pei Ling down. In her own words, " 客家人很狠心。"

I can truely understand that having been on the receving end. Well, at least I can stand up with my head held high and proclaim that I didn't let her down a single bit.No one was let down. Just that somehow things happened in a way that we all didn't want. Perhaps my all ain't just enough, ma. But I'm sure you can be proud of your son.

Guess I'll never date a Hakka girl again? =p

Or perhaps never date again.

Now, what about M ? I think the young chap got so heartbroken that he couldn't carry on with our conversation.

I wish him well.

** Addendum 11/05/07 1745, M's alright just that no apeitite, can't sleep and muscle tense. Bro, I've been through that too, so you're not alone? Hmm.. Don't think he will see this blog too but doesn't matter la**

Labels: reflection