yeah....Things will only get better

Warning: Ramblings ahead. Long, long....

Had a very long conversation with A.

He too was a victim of the R game-The Relationship Game. And I would use "was". I only got to know of his breakup with his former girlfriend of 3 years some a few days ago. At least according to him, that was also about when the relationship ended. I resisted asking who initiated that. It can be pretty personal and kind of distasteful when one is still in the initial stage of a break-up.

I got to find out a lot through this conversation. Nope, it wasn't through phone, somehow got to hate dislike using phones. In fact I never did enjoy talking through phones. It sucks. Well, A is already into another relationship after ending the previous one just 3-4 weeks ago.

Shock No 1 "I've got to move on"

" I've got to move on and I'm glad I did." That was what he told me. I'm not too sure how does one deem as "moving on". I'm very certain that getting into a relationship just after some 4 weeks of ending the previous one isn't very much of "moving on". Or at least in my definition. I can't put an exact time frame into it, in fact there isn't a formula. Like erm, after ending a X year relationship, you need Y months/years to recover. Nope, there isn't. Or that you can still remain as friends after ending the relationship and pretend that nothing has happened.

This was a shocking conversation, so to speak.

Shock No 2

" She's very immature, impatient, not caring enough, very hot tempered, pessimistic....."

This wasn't meant to be a "bitch about your ex" session. I'm not aware why did it take him so long to realise this seemingly never ending list of flaws about his ex. I know her too, in fact much longer than he did. But I'm not aware of these negative traits.

I threw him a question. " So what positive points do you remember about her?"

A stared at me blankly. "Well... she's kinda kind gal, can cook well... ermm...." He stammered along the way, trying hard to keep this conversation going on this topic.

I can't comment about character traits. Cos ineed, it can be pretty subjective when it comes to this. But I believe actions sometimes speak volumes ?

I sighed. " Do you remember how she spent days and nights by your bed when you were in hospital? Do you remember her going all the way to Rochor Dao Huay just to get you a bowl of dao huay when you know that both of you lives in the west? Do you remember her giving you the wonderful massage after your In-Camp-Training? Do you..."

I stopped. I didn't want to sound like some old uncle giving a lecture, or to spoil this meeting. A real pity. It seems like human beings are highly "selective" animals. When all's nice and rosy, all's well and fine. When's it's time to say good bye, ah... all your negative points seem to surface and well that's all to be remembered. Whatever positive things seem to weigh to nothing, only your shortcoming, or your seemingly " differences" counts. Suddenly all your "differences" appear.... Suddenly
Or perhaps it's because of this "suddenness" that brings about the downfall ? Ah fuck it... it sounds so familiar.

Shock No 3
" Why can't we just be friends? I think we're better of as friends. I'm so sad that things aren't the same anymore but we can still be friends what? She should take it like an adult"

To this, I showed him my middle finger. I'm sorry again. I don't think it is approriate for me to comment on this because I am in a similar situation. If someone plunges a dagger into your heart and tells you," I'm sorry but I have to do it, it will be better for all of us in the long run". Then at the same time he says" I hope that we can still remain as friends. Things can be like before."

Try living day by day with the dagger in your hurt and act as if nothing has happened. And even if you have removed the dagger, the gaping wound is still fresh. And now, someone ask" Why can't we still be friends? " This is as if " I have moved on and you should too, and we should/can still be friends. We're all adults, we should be able to take it."this is akin to slowly sprinkling salt onto the wound.

Shock No 4
They broke up through the phone. This is so damn familiar. It sucks... but well. I'll leave it at there.

Obviously, this conversation didn't go on for too long. Wasn't very pleasant. Perhaps it's just me. Weird Person with weird thoughts. Ah as I glanced at my handphone, it's another 25th.

***********

My dear A, things will never be the same because the two of you have caused it to be so. I'm not too sure who initiated it, who's right and who'e wrong. In fact many of times, there's no right or wrong. Don't try to push limits after the break-up. that's defintely wrong. Don't ask why or why not, don't ask what ifs or what if nots, just leave the poor gal alone. You have another person by your side so please don't have your cake , eat it and /or demand to have a smaller slice of another cake.

Do not judge other people by your own standards.

************

I believe I have no intention to tell A abut S's ( A's ex gf) impending departure from Singapore. Seems like this is a very "common" means of starting afresh. I am seriously considering such a move too but I digress. Ah.. just stop harrassing the poor gal ya?

**********

C dropped me a msg the other day.

" It took me 3 years to get into another relationship because of fear, the fear of another failure. Failures that I have no idea why it happened... I hope that you won't have to go through a 3 year wait, just like I have."

Thanks bro.

I have never congratulated you for walking out of the dark, in fact I won't. But I promise you, I'll be among the first to do so at the Registry of Marriages.

************

D related this story to me the other day, " A Police Story" so to say.

His good pal of 10 years, was with Central Division when it happened. His then fiancee, a non police had cheated on him. On the very eve of their impending marriage. This pal of his was so faithful that he even "locked" himself him at home, foregoing a bachelor's night with his friends and so on.

D and some other friends respected that but were forced to call him out when they witnessed something that shouldn't have. the fiancee was drinking and making merry with some other guys at a pub. A very attractive lady I must say. They were drinking and hugging, kissing.

The groom to be was called in. With much reluctance and disbelief, he left his house.

His first words were" Ok, we shall have just one drink.... and there's absolutely no need to drag my wife into the picture as an excuse what..."

Imagine his total disbelief when he witnessed what happened. The gal was totally gone and the men drinking with her tried to pick up a fight.

The wedding was called off. And the "brothers" spent the rest of the night calling up relatives and other invited guests about the cancellation.

Sidetrack a bit ah... if you ever receive such a call, please la huh.. be a bit more sensitive. Don't KPO and ask " why huh?" or " what happened ah?". Ah dey ah... confirm not a good dai jee la... so please spare everyone the agony and just say ok and thank you. Hang up the phone. The caller would have to make several more calls.

The family of the gal drag her along to the groom's place and knelt in front of him. The father even slapped and bruised the gal in an attempt to salvage the whole situation. The emotionally shaken guy even used his body to block several blows for his ermm... ex fiancee.

For the next few months, fellow officers patrolling the area would often find him lying by the sides of the streets, totally drenched with alcohol.

Well, this had an happy ending.

Some years later, he did find a nice girl and they did marry.

But on the even of the ceremony, well, the brothers took turns to stand guard by the bride's house. To ensure that she won't get to do anything silly.

Once bitten twice shy?
******

I'm just being emo here. It's afterall a 25th =)

Labels: mood, moving on, police, soulful, thoughts