yeah....Things will only get better

IF you keep telling yourself that you can't do it, I'm sure you won't. If you keep telling yourself that something is hopeless, then hopeless it shall be.

I am no philosopher. I don't come up with profound theories such as "you think therefore you are" or something to that effect. But well, it's true you know. I remember my days in the army, whereby it's always "mind over body". Now that's a very dangerous statement nowadays.

You get fit young guys telling themseleves that, over exerting themseleves to the extent that they don't even know that their bodies can no longer take it.

Try telling yourself that life sucks. Ah... I assure you that it shall be so.

*******

See a counselor dude. Of course be open to that. If you think that it won't work even before you step into the room, don't waste your time for it is destined to fail.

********

I'm sorry to have made you worry. Nope, my life did not revolve around her. Neither did it revolve around my job. Though as mentioned in an earlier post that yes, I did work round the clock but well, when you loose one of the 2 most valuable things in life, you tend to value the other even more.

Just like my conversation with Mr T. An old gentleman that been through the Second World War. He might be Chinese, but he speaks fluent Japanese. The Japanese Occupation took away 3 of his family members. He was subjected to torture and such.

The war might be over, but for him the greater battle within him is still on-going. He does his best to stay away from all things Japanese. It's kind of difficult nowadays though. Tell me , who doesn't have a Japanese product within your house?

Mr T lives on a simple principle. His mind him to alleviate the pain, despite all these years of mourning. It still hurts but by reducing the exposure to "all things Japanese", it helps a lot. This doesn't mean that he is weak mentally you know. Just using that little power of the mind of his to get his life moving, again.

Would he ever forgive the Japanese?

That is no longer as issue for him. As long as he is not constantly reminded of the dark past, all is forgiven.


***************

Yes, my phone number is still the same. Call me if you think I could be of some help to you.

Well... tomorrow's the 29th Feb 2008.

Found this on the web.

" ...leap year day had no recognition in English law (the day was 'leapt over' and ignored, hence the term 'leap year'). It was decided that the day had no legal status, meaning that a break in tradition on this day was acceptable. "

Ah... sounds interesting. But there are just too many traditions around. Which one(s) to choose to break ah?

You know, life is full of surprises. One moment, things are rosy and going well, the very next moment, the very person next to you could just drop.

Was speaking to R the other day. He commented the importance of communication among all relationships, in fact all sorts of relations, be it in the office, at home, among couples, in fact everyone. I couldn't agree less with him, after all, I have been through something that could have been a textbook example of what a communication breakdown is and how deadly is could have been.

I'm not going to described in great detail on what has happeend least I be misunderstood. After all words are often the killers of communication and of course the lack of it. Too much of certain words may distort the real meaning; not using any words, or refusing to come clean with all, that may just slaughter the whole thing altogether too. R showed me a simple picture of his family. Neatly tucked into his wallet, he beamed with pride as he recounted the hard times he has been through. He stole a glance at my handphone and my laptop. The screensaver revealed nothing meaningful.

" May I have a look at it ?" he asked as he picked up my wallet.

I nodded.

He flipped through the cards with ease.

"May I rearrange?"

I was kinda curious. You don't normally do that to someone else's belongings. Nevertheless, I nodded, again.

He removed the prominent white card that bore my picture and slotted in into some other compartment.

" This is for your girlfriend's picture, please"

" But I don't have one."

" Then make place for one, please"

I was pleasantly amused by this veteran. Partially due to the way that he put his message across and also by the way he replied. You see, there's something that I'll probably never understand as to why people like to end off a sentence in email exchanges with a "please". Not too sure if that's something unique to the civil service. Seems like it's growing on everyone here. Every mail that you receive, there's probably a "pls" or something to that effect. If I remember my Primary 1 teacher, Miss Eng, correctly, you normally start a proper sentence with "Please". I'm not saying that it's wrong to put "please" behind, it sounds alright to me, then again I'm not an English teacher, but hey, to have almost every sentences with "pls" behind???

The other point to R's gesture or removing the white card. That card reflected my job, something that I love, and something that the ex felt that brought about the breakdown of the past relationship. I shan't start a debate on this, it's pointless to do so.

I remember putting in 200% of my effort and time into work after that sudden demise of the previous relationship. Nothing wrong with that mah. But when I look back, it really scares the shit out of me. Didn't realise I can be such a workaholic. As much as I didn't like my previous job, I did enjoy certain moments. These were memories to be cherished. Just like the failed relationship, I shall cherish the wonderful moments; just don't get me started on the sudden demise. That's too overwhelming you know.

R showed me his wallet again. He has his card side by side with his family photo.

" It's a deliberate move; the job that I love and the people that I love, they compliment each other. I'm not sure why there's only one card, the white one. But I hope to see a picture of you and your loved ones in this compartment soon."

I felt so blessed after that conversation. Just like the conversation with L, I'm reminded that even if one compartment is empty, that does not really allow room for the white card to take over the space. If that empty space is taken up by work, it will forever be taken up.

********************

I don't want you to feel sorry, if you ever did so. I don't want you to feel guilty, if you ever did. Whatever has happened, well... it happened and let's just leave it there.We just have to move on. You might have proceeded miles before me; it doesn't matter. We were on different footing to begin with; back at where we were before. Please don't turn back and see where I am. That wouldn't help you and certainly won't help me. We had once agreed to be different. We are indeed different. So please just let it be.

And if you truly wish me well, please, just carry on with your life. Love yourself, love whoever you want to love whole-heartedly. I would appreciate that more than anything. Doesn't matter to me if you weren't reading this. In fact, I feel blessed to know that the ladies that were once part of my life are in good hands. Nope, I didn't make any attempt to find out info about them. If I happen to get info about them, that's good.

The wonderful memories will always be cherished. And please don't remind me of the things that shouldn't have happened but happened. This isn't escapism, just my way of moving on =)

**********************

" You know where L is posted to?" R handed me a copy of the orders.

I was kind of taken aback for the new environment that L is currently at is not quite where I had expected. Then again, the organisation isn't that large to begin with.

I'll always remember this motherly figure.I feel so humbled to know that it took her 23 years to get to where she currently is. But she has moved on as well. She has been with her previous department for many years. Her parting wasn't exactly that pleasant but yes, she left it as such. "

Be thankful for the wonderful times and the opportunities given, but do not dwell on the unplesant stuff. Neither should there be any attempts to prove who is right or wrong. This ain't Maths whereby LHS=RHS. This is an equation that will never be balanced because one party has already fired the first shoot. But nevermind la...Better to leave it as it is and earn more "working marks"."

Wise words indeed.

As cliche as it might sound, times really flies.

Another brand new (lunar) year. It's the year of the rat and oh, did I tell you I would prefer to use mouse instead of rat? Sounds more appealing.

As with every year, the typical celebrations. The so called traditions that we would want to keep; the usual chinese practice of "face"... you can't loose face yeah and so on. For the unmarried, you get lotsa ang pows ; the various goodies and snacks and I'm pretty certain the amount of weight one puts one after such festive celebrations is something that we all don't look forward too.

I'm sure this (over)indulgence in food is not something that is unique to the Chinese. In fact, it's something very universal for all cultures and races all over the world. I stand corrected though; name me a culture that doesn't have celebrations that emphasize on food. Then again, it's always us humans that spoil the whole thing. Anything in excess is not good.

We Singaporeans pride ourselves as being a multi culture, multi racial society... so much so to the extend that we speak a certain language that is only understood by us locals. Yes, the Taiwanese are mocking at us. But well, are we going to "set things right" and rebut them in typical Singapore style? After all, our leaders are known for making point rebuttals. At this junction, the movie, Borat comes to mind. Not so much about the crude manner in which the film is directed, not so much about the absurdity of the characters, but rather the man behind the movie, Sacha Baron Cohen. He being a Jew, is able to mock/joke/insult/ select word of your choice here about his race, about himself. I shall not go into the "pros and cons" and so on... just like a typical essay. How often do we get the chance to see everything and weigh the pros and cons before arriving at a conclusion?

It's not often. Information is seldom complete. But that doesn't mean that the conclusion arrived isn't a good one. Seriously I don't think I would want to turn this into some sort of argumentative article. I'm not quite good at that. However, this is exactly the point that I would like to make. Do/Must we always be correct/seemed to be correct? I look at Borat and wonder how exactly can this diplomat even exist on this world. But this is the beauty of it and something that we are all lacking.

Can't we just open up, loosen up, smile and laugh at ourselves at times? We won't die if we aren't "correct" all the time right.
Learning live and let live, learning to forgive and to forget is really an art that I believe we should all strive towards.

Our Muslims friends seek the forgiveness of others, especially their elder, during Hari Raya Puasa . While Hari Raya isn't exactly the beginning of the a new Muslim year, I believe this practice of asking for forgiveness and to forgive others is something that could be and should be incorporated into CNY as well.

Now what has all these got to do with Borat? Aiyah.. don't bear grudges, forgive and forget, don't hold it to heart. Smile and the whole world smiles with you. =)

Maaf Zahir dan Batin

Selamat Tahun Baru Cina

Kung Hey Fatt Choi!!!!

I said a silent prayer, for you and you. I thank the both of you for the wonderful support you have rendered, albeit in different areas. It hurts me to know that you have gone through the same path that I have. I'm sorry that I haven't been around when it happened. I know your pain and share your grief.

It's highly regrettable that things have to go this way. I am unaware of the exact reasons but nevertheless I am sure things will only get better. We recover in different ways and I hope that your road to recovery is a short and direct one.

M: Thank you for offering to act as my surety despite the ineligibility. Not many can stand as one though, the criteria is definitely extremely demanding. Let's meet up , for the debates, arguments about football, just as we've been doing so since our school days. Things will never be the same but it's up to us to minimise this deviation.

N: Thank you for your words of encouragement and your trust in me when you share what you wanna share. Yes, the song is interesting and the dance is just as enjoyable. I'm not sure how's things for you but I'm just a call away.