yeah....Things will only get better

You know, life is full of surprises. One moment, things are rosy and going well, the very next moment, the very person next to you could just drop.

Was speaking to R the other day. He commented the importance of communication among all relationships, in fact all sorts of relations, be it in the office, at home, among couples, in fact everyone. I couldn't agree less with him, after all, I have been through something that could have been a textbook example of what a communication breakdown is and how deadly is could have been.

I'm not going to described in great detail on what has happeend least I be misunderstood. After all words are often the killers of communication and of course the lack of it. Too much of certain words may distort the real meaning; not using any words, or refusing to come clean with all, that may just slaughter the whole thing altogether too. R showed me a simple picture of his family. Neatly tucked into his wallet, he beamed with pride as he recounted the hard times he has been through. He stole a glance at my handphone and my laptop. The screensaver revealed nothing meaningful.

" May I have a look at it ?" he asked as he picked up my wallet.

I nodded.

He flipped through the cards with ease.

"May I rearrange?"

I was kinda curious. You don't normally do that to someone else's belongings. Nevertheless, I nodded, again.

He removed the prominent white card that bore my picture and slotted in into some other compartment.

" This is for your girlfriend's picture, please"

" But I don't have one."

" Then make place for one, please"

I was pleasantly amused by this veteran. Partially due to the way that he put his message across and also by the way he replied. You see, there's something that I'll probably never understand as to why people like to end off a sentence in email exchanges with a "please". Not too sure if that's something unique to the civil service. Seems like it's growing on everyone here. Every mail that you receive, there's probably a "pls" or something to that effect. If I remember my Primary 1 teacher, Miss Eng, correctly, you normally start a proper sentence with "Please". I'm not saying that it's wrong to put "please" behind, it sounds alright to me, then again I'm not an English teacher, but hey, to have almost every sentences with "pls" behind???

The other point to R's gesture or removing the white card. That card reflected my job, something that I love, and something that the ex felt that brought about the breakdown of the past relationship. I shan't start a debate on this, it's pointless to do so.

I remember putting in 200% of my effort and time into work after that sudden demise of the previous relationship. Nothing wrong with that mah. But when I look back, it really scares the shit out of me. Didn't realise I can be such a workaholic. As much as I didn't like my previous job, I did enjoy certain moments. These were memories to be cherished. Just like the failed relationship, I shall cherish the wonderful moments; just don't get me started on the sudden demise. That's too overwhelming you know.

R showed me his wallet again. He has his card side by side with his family photo.

" It's a deliberate move; the job that I love and the people that I love, they compliment each other. I'm not sure why there's only one card, the white one. But I hope to see a picture of you and your loved ones in this compartment soon."

I felt so blessed after that conversation. Just like the conversation with L, I'm reminded that even if one compartment is empty, that does not really allow room for the white card to take over the space. If that empty space is taken up by work, it will forever be taken up.

********************

I don't want you to feel sorry, if you ever did so. I don't want you to feel guilty, if you ever did. Whatever has happened, well... it happened and let's just leave it there.We just have to move on. You might have proceeded miles before me; it doesn't matter. We were on different footing to begin with; back at where we were before. Please don't turn back and see where I am. That wouldn't help you and certainly won't help me. We had once agreed to be different. We are indeed different. So please just let it be.

And if you truly wish me well, please, just carry on with your life. Love yourself, love whoever you want to love whole-heartedly. I would appreciate that more than anything. Doesn't matter to me if you weren't reading this. In fact, I feel blessed to know that the ladies that were once part of my life are in good hands. Nope, I didn't make any attempt to find out info about them. If I happen to get info about them, that's good.

The wonderful memories will always be cherished. And please don't remind me of the things that shouldn't have happened but happened. This isn't escapism, just my way of moving on =)

**********************

" You know where L is posted to?" R handed me a copy of the orders.

I was kind of taken aback for the new environment that L is currently at is not quite where I had expected. Then again, the organisation isn't that large to begin with.

I'll always remember this motherly figure.I feel so humbled to know that it took her 23 years to get to where she currently is. But she has moved on as well. She has been with her previous department for many years. Her parting wasn't exactly that pleasant but yes, she left it as such. "

Be thankful for the wonderful times and the opportunities given, but do not dwell on the unplesant stuff. Neither should there be any attempts to prove who is right or wrong. This ain't Maths whereby LHS=RHS. This is an equation that will never be balanced because one party has already fired the first shoot. But nevermind la...Better to leave it as it is and earn more "working marks"."

Wise words indeed.