yeah....Things will only get better

This story is about hearts....

The 13 cards of Hearts in a pack of cards would constantly fight over who welds the greatest power. For obvious reasons, the King of Hearts would proclaim that he is the most powerful of all. He is the king. However, it all changes when you're talking about dai dee.....The 2 of Hearts would come up tops.

Now what about the rest of the cards? Don't you just hate it when you're in a game of blackjack, you have Royal Card with a ten and you're unable to get another ace? That would give you a blackjack? It would be pointless if the very next card you draw is a 2?

In other words, the importance of a card is relative. If you need a 3 to a blackjack anything less or more than that, doesn't make any sense at all. SO who is to tell me a King of Hearts is better/more valuable/more important than say a 7?

I've dug out this old story from some old archieve.

Once there was a young man who proclaimed to have the most beautiful, flawless heart. An old man challenged him. The crowd looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars. Some pieces had been removed and others had been put in, but didn’t fit quite right.

The old man looked at the young man, “I would never trade my heart for yours. Every scar represents a person I’ve given my love -- I tear out a piece and give it to them. Sometimes they give me a piece of their broken heart, which I fit along jagged edges. When the person doesn’t return my love, a painful gouge is left. Those gouges stay open, reminding me that I love these people too. Perhaps someday they will return and fill that space.”

Don't ask about WHAT IF they didn't return. This world is full of WHAT IFs.

What if someone found the most wanted terrorist in this world and manages to receive the reward?

What if I managed to purchase COSCO Corp at the beginning of the year at 2 plus per share and sold it off when it was 5 ? I would have at least made a 100 plus per cent profit.

What if I worked hard enough and gotten a scholarship after my "A" levels?

What if I bought the winning combi to yesterday's Toto?

What if......

Ah.. What if What the Fuck.......

Sometimes we spend too much time thinking of What Ifs.... In fact I can't remember what I dreamt of last night. I know I did dream of something, but I can't recall. I mean What if I can ? So now that I can't so how?

Ah.. irritating. Perhaps that explains why I suck at philo and all that all talk theory stuff.

I prefer to concentrate on what's possible currently. I prefer to listen to my mind and to my heart. I wish that my mind and heart would tell me the identical stuff. And please no more what ifs......

There are unlimited possible outcomes to the what ifs senarios. Don't waste your time spending all your efforts in exploring all of them. I know I won't and my heart won't be allowing that. I prefer to put my heart into what I can do, what I can make a difference in.

What i can't do, I'll leave that aside..... Just like I can't log into MOM's website....arghh.....

:p

Labels: reflection, views

"I thought you should be pretty expert with this already?" T remarked.

I declined his offer of a stick. Yes, I never believe that someone who once smoke can actually quit smoking. I still hold on to that view. Firmly.

Ever since the broke-up, I felt like smoking. And drinking of course. I bought a pack of Marlboro Lites and I wasted all of it. Not more than a stick, in fact a few puffs. It didn't make me feel any better; in fact it was the exact opposite. I can't imagine why I started in the first place. The second stick was at K-box. Ok, you saw it, but it didn't matter la... you had more than I did.

Alcohol, well.. it's something I drink before or after the break up. No Biggie... Any increased in consumption? Perhaps. It also pointed to something. That I hate Barons.

But did drinking make me feel better? Nope.. defintely not. It didn't make me feel worse though, so I'm alright with that. I can't drink alone. I drink a lot more that way. I need some activities to go along with it. 5-10, dice games and card games, well... they're fine. But I'll prefer a chit chat talk cok session anytime.

T asked for the bill and it came to a total of $300. His treat, he insisted. Before he left, he ordered another chivas for take-away. I have no idea why one would pay an inflated price for a bottle of chivas when he can probably get it much cheaper at the mega marts.

********

As I stepped into the cafe, he was seated at a corner. Sipping beer and having a conversation with J. I pulled over a chair and sat down next to them. They looked at me and gestured to me to go for dinner. The whole place's pretty pack and I haven't had my dinner too, hence I went along.

We had fish head curry and some side dishes. I don't normally take curries but that was good. Or perhaps I was too hungry. He didn't look the bit saddened, though he didn't appear his normal self. He ordered a beer and offered me some. I don't normally drink when I drive but somehow I believe I should take a mug. That would reduce the amount that he had to drink. With a few gulps, it was done. Tried my very best to enagage in some conversation regarding... almost everything.

Him, being the well travelled and well educated one tried his best to answer as we tucked into the wonderful curry. He tried his best to crack some jokes and we tried to laugh along. Something was wrong.

As we made our way back to the cafe and he to his car, he was pretty quiet.

" Life must and will go on" he said.

With that we bade him good-bye.

Back at the cafe, I realised the whole incident. He has just finished signing the papers for a divorce. It can't be good news when you are on the receiving end, know that one of your friends has just gone thru such an ordeal. I can't claim to know him well, but it sure did something to affect my mood.

I turned and look at the fat piece of lard. Well, he and his lady have been together for almost a decade. Their ups and downs are well documented. But what I really admire and envy is their determination to work things out and to ride out the rough times together. Which they did.

You look at Uncle and Auntie Bok. In fact, their surename is Tok but well, he's known by his last name Bok, hence everyone became a Bok. By any standards, one would label Bok as a MCP. A terrible one too. He raises his voice at his wife, uses vulgarities.... He gambles and bets heavily on 4D. His monthly income may not even sustain such a habit. He tried to justify it as a pull towards the booths, something not within his control. And he donates some of his winnings. Among the ladies, hands up those of you who would want such a husband/partner?

But the small gestures he did is sufficient to convince Auntie Bok.... He cooks the meals, does the chores and perhaps the groceries too. He would want her to rest more. And when Auntie Bok refuses, he would raise his voice and all the colourful expletives just come flying out.

When Auntie Bok got a stroke, he ran all over the places seeking help, cared for her and literally nursed her back to the pink.

*********
Now, you don't find fags and alcohol being a substitute or remedy to this, do you?

Labels: thoughts, views

Chemor is a small town in Perak, a place where my father was born, a place where I got to know my grandmother better. A place of childhood memories.

I remember the long and torturous jounery, be it by train or by coach. Used to follow my dad during Qing Ming to pay respect to my late grandfather. Never did meet my grandpa, he passed away before I was born.

I was very much a city/urban kid. I had difficulties adapting to the countryside life. I cannot understand why one can't bathe from a shower and has to use a pail and bucket. My relatives would fetch water from a well and the poultry provided the perfect morning call for me. I was very much into this " 早睡早起，身体好" thing, hence it wasn't a problem for me. Just that why must they rear their own chickens? For eggs? Meat? Can't they get it from the supermarket? As an alarm clock ? Don't tell me you can't get one in Malaysia? I was even prepared to get them one, much to the dismay of my dad. After all giving someone a clock is taboo in Chinese Customs.

There's this building that fasinated me a lot. It was the Police Station. It's considered to be "the edge" of the town. After this, you're no longer in Chemor. It looked "new" to me. I mean, pardon me but the other buildings in this small town seem to be so "old" and " run down". And the police officers rode around the town on scooters without their helmets, something that amused me quite a bit.

I know I'm a spoilt brat.

But what prompted me to write this post , you may ask. Well, I was reading this book by Dato' Sri J.J. Raj (Jr), a retired Police Commissioner from the Polis DiRaja Malaysia. He was born in Chemor too and well, he officiated the opening of the police station, just a few years before I was born. Hence, the police station wasn't that old when I first saw it? Less than 10 years I believe.

I've learnt a lot more of this police station and it's history. But what so amazing about this police station?

I never truly understood why Dad and some of his Chinese educated friends were "warned" about engaging in " communist " activities. This book gave me an insight of some of the horrible things that the commies did to the local community and the police. The old Chemor Police Station was obviously a target for the commies. But still. why Chemor?

It was a hotbed for commies to stage their activities. The thick forests provided excellent covers. And the large uneducated Chinese population proved to be excellent recruitment grounds. Even if you don't recruit, you can expect symphatisers.

Now I get it. Dad was Chinese educated. Grandpa had a few rubber plantations in Chemor. It was no wonder the family was "warned" . Well, Dad's now in Singapore and my grandmother had passed away, hence we never did make any more trips.

My Aunt was a senior nurse at Tg Rambutan. It was a hospital for the mentally unstable patients. However, it too served as a training ground for the police officer trainees, Dato Sri J.J Raj too.

Felt a sense of warmth throughout this book. Of course, excluding the portions on fighting the Japs during WWII and during the confrontation period la. Looks like I should make a trip to Chemor soon, to relive the memories.

Labels: communication, reflection, thoughts, views

Just throw anything to me. I believe I'm in a positon to complete the task.

Doesn't matter what it may be, as long as I have a fighting chance I will go on. Trust me, things will only get better. Believe in me for I can make you share this belief too.

We will survive!

Labels: concentration, random, reflection, thoughts, views

Nestled in a corner of Bishan is a place that I used to call my second home. Incidentally, my first home is located within Bishan too. Haven't really been back for a visit since my graduation from Catholic High. Most, if not all of my teachers are no longer with the school.

I understand that there are many new faces. Too many in fact. I no longer recognise the place. Attended a fucntion on Saturday. It was held at my alma mata. It was nice of them to host the event without charging a fee. Well, my focus wasn't on the event, to be frank. In fact, much as I would want to, the experience back there is very much overwhelming for me.

The very first thing I did when I arrived was to search for my former classrooms. I'm not too sure if the locations are the same. The compound underwent a major facelift several months back. I can hardly recognised. The initial feeling wasn't very positive for me. In fact, i felt sad as if a part of me is gone.

I made my way to the hall where the event was to be held. I was in charge of ushering the guests. Deployed my guys, moved around the new compound to ensure everything's in order. It was a race against time for a moment. The guests were already arriving while the prep was still ongoing. Thankfully, things fell in place. Some slight delays but overall it's still pretty decent.

The Crucifix at the corner of the new hall caught my eye. I felt at peace immediately. I closed my eyes and uttered a silent prayer. Time stood still. I can recall myself running up the long driveway to the parade square for the morning assembly. The morning prayer was the very same prayer that Jesus Christ taught us.

The VIP, incidentally was also an old boy of the school. I was beckoned over to start a conversation with him. Thanks Ma'am. As an old boy, I'm sure the memories of the old site at Queen's St are still fresh in his mind. Suddenly I had the urge to pay a visit to this old site. (Someone was supposed to accompany me there, at least as agreed some months back. But that's all history).

The people may no longer be around, the building may have changed. But I'm still experiencing the same emotions. The very same feeling when I left this school.

I guess this place will always be a part of me.

Labels: mood, random, thoughts, views

Well, who says you got to pay astronomical sums of money for honest officers? I don't think TP officers are paid a lot, but well, it's the passion that drives them on.

Don't get me started on $100 being a small sum. They have yet to reach the limit and so on? It is precisely that it's a small sum, they could have closed one eye and receievd it and at the same time charge the guy. Hahaha.. that's so mean.

But well, no means no. That's great. I will never accept too.

Kudos to Sgt Norfaizal and Cpl Hairelrizal

Alleged drink-driver 'offered cops $100 bribe'
— Ansley Ng

A 27-YEAR-OLD driver nabbed for drink driving may also be charged with trying to bribe the two police officers who arrested him.

At about 20 minutes past midnight yesterday, traffic police officers Sergeant Norfaizal Yahya and Corporal Hairelrizal Hashim responded to a call about a car that had landed in a drain at a car park in Sembawang Park.

A breathalyser test revealed that the driver, who cannot be named until he has been charged, had a breath alcohol reading of nearly twice the legal limit.

The driver then tried to escape arrest by offering $100 to the two officers. Sgt Norfaizal warned him that it was an offence to bribe a public servant, but undeterred, the man took out a $100 note and repeated his offer. He was promptly arrested.

A police statement said the driver will be charged with drink driving and driving without due care and consideration.

The bribe attempt, meanwhile, has been referred to the Corrupt Practices Investigation Bureau.

Traffic Police commander Deputy Assistant Commissioner Ng Guat Ting praised the two officers for their integrity. She also warned that strict enforcement will continue against drink drivers.

The man is now out on bail.

Labels: thoughts, views

I was 90% through this post when someone tripped over the socket.

Well, here we go again. Perhaps I have been blogging overtime, in excess?

I remember that Mom has a friend in LA. A very close friend indeed. I don't quite remember her name till today when Mom refreshed my memory. Mrs Leib left Singapore for the US some 15-20 years ago. Her husband was a pilot and they live in LA, California.

Over the years, Mrs Leib has repeatedly invited Mom to visit them in LA. I'm not quite sure why Mom hasn't stepped foot into the US to be frank. I remember my eagerness to have the opened enveloped whenever the letter from US arrived. I was a stamp collector when I was much younger you see. Sometimes, in my (over) eagerness, I would cut off the top right hand corner of the letter even before Mom has read it. Mom wasn't too pleased and I 'd learnt a valuable lesson.

I was pleasantly surprised when I opend the mailbox this afternoon. Haven't been receiving mail from overseas for quite some time. I love handwritten letters. It gives me a certain level of warmth and sincerity.Doens't have to be in nice handwritting, as long as I can make out what it is all about. The stamp from the US postal service doesn't seem to be as appealing as before. Perhaps due to the fact that I'm no longer a stamp collector or simply this design doesn't suit my liking. I handed over the envelope to Mom, without snipping off the top right hand corner.

She beemed when she received it. Yes, it was from Mrs Leib and yes it's another invitation. Her daughter, Sarah had completed her Undergrad studies and would be graduating in a few days' time. They have extended their invitation once more. I'm still not sure why Mom isn't going . Or perhaps she's undecided. I don't mind paying for her airfare or even accompanying her over. Just not too sure how come.

I took a look at the invitation card. Sarah has been confered a Bachelor's Degree in Communication Studies. Oh Well... Don't remind me again ya?

This is life , isn't it?

Labels: thoughts, views

Well for the transaction of the lorry. Lotsa delays and ding dongs

1st Ding Dong- Loan is not approved because of age of main director. Have to wait for another director to return.
2 weeks gone as a result.

2nd Ding Dong- Board not happy because dealer insist on their company policies. Have to hand over $$ or bank in before any transaction can take place. Boss feels that they don't trust our company and insisted on handing over cash. Salesman was taken aback but agreed to it initially. Cash on Delivery terms
1 week gone

3rd Ding Dong- Salesman called me up and says they need another 2-3 days to complete the transaction upon receving the money, regardless of cheque, cash or whatever. Board wasn't too please to learn of this. Another delay
3 days gone

4th Ding Dong- Salesman Kan Chiong already. Called me up so many times. I told him straight that our conditions must be met, otherwise, "the board will have to meet up for another round of discussions". I even offered to speak to his boss if he can't put it properly. He went back to speak to his boss, I spoke to mine. He called the next day but I was out on a seminar. Further delays
2 day gone

5th Ding Dong- An agreement was reached. The cheque will be handed over today and all paperwork to be completed on the spot. Vehicle to be handed over in 2 days. He was late for 30 minutes. Some documents not properly completed. When pressed, he just told me to sign on the line and chop. He was eager to close the deal. I was too. But well, how to sign when they are so many "openings" ?

1 hr wasted on discussion.

He was frustrated. Boss appeared and gave him a piece of mind. For the first time, I felt sorry for the salesman. I'm not too sure if he's genuinely "blur" or overstressed. He just smiled and kept his cool.

Solution to end: all blanks to be strucked off and initialed.

A simple and straight forward transaction took a total of 4 weeks. The lorry better be in working condition man.

Labels: random, views

I'm extremely grateful for the chance to spend my mother's day with my mom. Of course not the entire day, but I'm thankful for the opportunity.

Read about the unfortunate incident regarding Isz Sazali. He was killed in Taiwan by a crashed helicopter. It was no fault of his that he has to be in Taiwan; it was no fault of his that he had to serve NS, certainly his death wasn't expected and most certainly the manner of it.

Somehow I had this inkling of having met this gentleman before, at least I find him familiar. He too, is an alumni of AJC. My friends would know of my sense of attachment to AJC . I always try to make a trip down on special occasions such as Teachers' Day and Chinese New Year. I won't be surprised if I have met Isz during one of my trips; he was afterall a student councillor.

I'm sad that his mother wouldn't have the chance to celebrate mothers' day with him anymore; I'm sad to learn of the death of a fellow AJCian.

Labels: sad, views

This blog has been stagnant for the past few months. With no inputs, no arguements, no sharing , nothing whatsoever.

In fact a couple of bloggers have decided to close down their blogs or have already done so. Does it mean that this is the demise of the blogsphere?

While I'm in no position to comment about that , I'm certain that blogs have a certain function in helping the blogger communicate with his readers, whoever they may be. A blog is never private, unless you choose to keep it so. Then again, if that's your intention, why bother to publish your thoughts and views online?

Blogging can be an excellent mean of communication. However, just like any type of communication, it takes two hands to clap. If the communicator, in this instance, the blogger, decides to keep quiet, i.e. not posting for long periods of time or keeps repeating the same old story without the receipient fully comprehending the message or intended meaning, things get out of hand.

Prolonged period of non communication can bring about the demise of a relationship. In fact, it is often THE very reason. Usually, it's not exactly a matter of having a flair for writing, or writing some paper for some journal. Your readers just want to know what's going on with your life. There's no need to be grammatically correct all the time, the occasional spelling error( just blame it on typo la), using Singlish or whatever language, as long as it connects the reader to your thoughts, I believe that is sufficient?

I mean of course, this is not a politcal blog or some blog that focuses on certain specific issues. This is my blog. An avenue for me to express my thoughts , not an avenue for me to produce essays of A1 standard. It doesn't have to be politcally correct always. Of course, no slanders or seditious remarks. Just straightforward views of yours truly.

Too much thinking, too many worries (and of course with a slight douse of laziness) will bring about a blog that has been stagnant for ages. A stangnant blog is like a stagnant relationship. You readers may just get over you (and your views that have been so fasinating at the initial stage).

Hence, get over all those worries that are uncalled for... speak your mind. Let's prevent the demise of communication. When there's a will, there'a way. It may require a lot of effort but it can be done.

Cheers!

Labels: communication, thoughts, truthful, views