yeah....Things will only get better

Song of the moment

Radio currently playing this wonderful song. Though not at the right time. It's not a good time to dream. It's time to work!!!


Louis Armstrong - Dream a Little Dream of Me

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "i love you"
Birds singin’ in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me
While I’m alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I’m longin’ to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

It didn't help that I haven't been having enough sleep for the last 96 hours or so. Extremely worn out. Strictly no alcohol please for I'm driving. Thanks Ah-Fen and Christine.

***********
You staggered over and leaned against me. You whispered into my ears, " Thanks."

Frankly speaking, apart from mom and the ex, no one has shed a single tear for me. And on all occasions, I don't think I'm worth it and I shall not permit anyone to cry just because of me. That feeling of sadness, the pangs of helplessness just doesn't justify anything. Or so I thought.

************
I didn't get to sleep much that night. Had to wake up at 7 that morning for some stuff before heading down to Ubi. The bedroom was messy. Haven't got any time to tidy it up. As I stepped down the bed, I realised that this issue of a particular HR magazine had fallen off the shelf. I picked it up. It was at a particular page that had become slightly crumpled. I had a glance at it.

This article titled : Different strokes for different folks". But what caught my attention was the concluding para.

I paraphrase because I didn't copy down the exact quote : "While one cannot expect every single method to work the way you had intended it to be, however, giving it a try when you have information about it does little harm. In fact, it might just go a long way in making things happen; things that you might never thought it could have been so. For your staff and for yourself. You're worth it.

************

" If you still love her, I want you to go get her back. I feel your pain."

As much as it is heart wrenching to dwell into this again, I have to admit that it's no longer possible.

And for this first time in a very long time, I've not seen someone cry because of me. It didn't feel good knowing so. Ok, I'm pretty MCP in this aspect for I'll not allow a lady to shed tears for me. ( Think William SO and his song :男人不该让女人流泪)

But, nevertheless, a very big thank you. =) Thank you for the tears.


**************

As agreed, no one shall shed a single tear that morning. And no one did. Or at least I didn't see any.

Remember to take good care of yourself. Keep the Cross close to you for it has been blessed, for you.

Thanks be to God.

Ok I confess.. I'm a fucking WUSS.

I never like receiving SMSes from overseas, it only spells trouble. But this is one that I welcome.

I got to know J and D through work. They are engineers from this MNC in USA. Shan't reveal which state so as to protect the innocent. =) They are from different departments but were in the same dept. They were a couple. I mean,"were".

When I first got to know them, I didn't know they were divorced. It was a short marriage, less than 2 years. Well, this is probably considered a "long time" in USA? I mean you see more cases of divorce over there? Anyway, that's my personal opinion la not trying to sterotype.

They are nice people. Met them in Singapore, on seperate occasions. Till then I have no idea they were once together. But somehow, I felt that they are very much competable and even once had the urge to "introduce". I'm never that KPO, neither would I talk about personal issues with them. But yeah, this urge was there.

As I got to know these 2 individuals better, only then did I realise they were divorcees. But they have something in common, a deep sense of regret. I shan't dwelt much into what this regret was because 1) I don't want to be KPO 2) I also dunno much... wahahahha.. I mean I can't describe this feeling. A very weird feeling. Perhaps weird is not the correct word but well, this uneducated soul here can't think of another word la...

I got to know of the full story just yesterday. Put simply, J and D divorced because a lack of communication. I think, you thought then a lot of assumptions. They are stubborn people. No room for negotiations( I know that, I got it from them before, work related stuff of course), you're wrong means you're wrong....

It was a torturous year for the two of them. Well, they kept finding out info about each other through mutual friends, putting up a tough front.. i.e. act tough... blah blah blah.. you know like some TV drama serial. Just like the Chinese saying, " the mouth says yes but the heart says no" and erm... "mouth is hard but the heart is soft"

And just like what Rockson would say, KNN....like that also can one ah....

But neh'mind la... all's well. You see I've received an sms informing me of their reunion. The funny part is that, this is the first time that a sms can actually make me feel a overwhelming sense of emotion.

Ok... I admit, I dropped a tear or two. Right.. I know I'm a WUSS.... a p**sy... whatever...doesn't matter to me la... as long as it's a happy ending.
********

Congrats (again)!

signed... the WUSS

Can't we just put our pride away?

Just like what Sir Elton has penned

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

Correction it's Bernie Taupin that penned the lyrics

She's one of the few "hot babes" that I know. Around 35 years old, though she doesn't look a day more than 25, slender and sexy. Educated and a fast rising executive, she commands a 5 digit monthly pay easily.

She beckoned me over, much to the amazement (and perhaps jealousy) of the others around.

" I think you're the only little boy around here. Come have a drink with me, xiao di..."

Damn... I missed being refered to as " Xiao Di". Can't remember when was the last time this happened.. haha

At first glance, she's tipsy. But she's smart, I don't believe she's that high, just to ward off unwarranted attention. I counted the bottles on the table, 5 to be exact.

On the way back, she was held by Sandy. I glanced at the rear mirror, she's mumuring. The music was blaring so as to keep me awake. But well, it didnt' keep her awake. The only words I can make out of it...

" I'll waited for so long... and I'll carry on waiting"

We don't normally drink for no reasons... I'm not too sure what has happened but I sincerely hope that she's fine.

Warning: Ramblings ahead. Long, long....

Had a very long conversation with A.

He too was a victim of the R game-The Relationship Game. And I would use "was". I only got to know of his breakup with his former girlfriend of 3 years some a few days ago. At least according to him, that was also about when the relationship ended. I resisted asking who initiated that. It can be pretty personal and kind of distasteful when one is still in the initial stage of a break-up.

I got to find out a lot through this conversation. Nope, it wasn't through phone, somehow got to hate dislike using phones. In fact I never did enjoy talking through phones. It sucks. Well, A is already into another relationship after ending the previous one just 3-4 weeks ago.

Shock No 1 "I've got to move on"

" I've got to move on and I'm glad I did." That was what he told me. I'm not too sure how does one deem as "moving on". I'm very certain that getting into a relationship just after some 4 weeks of ending the previous one isn't very much of "moving on". Or at least in my definition. I can't put an exact time frame into it, in fact there isn't a formula. Like erm, after ending a X year relationship, you need Y months/years to recover. Nope, there isn't. Or that you can still remain as friends after ending the relationship and pretend that nothing has happened.

This was a shocking conversation, so to speak.

Shock No 2

" She's very immature, impatient, not caring enough, very hot tempered, pessimistic....."

This wasn't meant to be a "bitch about your ex" session. I'm not aware why did it take him so long to realise this seemingly never ending list of flaws about his ex. I know her too, in fact much longer than he did. But I'm not aware of these negative traits.

I threw him a question. " So what positive points do you remember about her?"

A stared at me blankly. "Well... she's kinda kind gal, can cook well... ermm...." He stammered along the way, trying hard to keep this conversation going on this topic.

I can't comment about character traits. Cos ineed, it can be pretty subjective when it comes to this. But I believe actions sometimes speak volumes ?

I sighed. " Do you remember how she spent days and nights by your bed when you were in hospital? Do you remember her going all the way to Rochor Dao Huay just to get you a bowl of dao huay when you know that both of you lives in the west? Do you remember her giving you the wonderful massage after your In-Camp-Training? Do you..."

I stopped. I didn't want to sound like some old uncle giving a lecture, or to spoil this meeting. A real pity. It seems like human beings are highly "selective" animals. When all's nice and rosy, all's well and fine. When's it's time to say good bye, ah... all your negative points seem to surface and well that's all to be remembered. Whatever positive things seem to weigh to nothing, only your shortcoming, or your seemingly " differences" counts. Suddenly all your "differences" appear.... Suddenly
Or perhaps it's because of this "suddenness" that brings about the downfall ? Ah fuck it... it sounds so familiar.

Shock No 3
" Why can't we just be friends? I think we're better of as friends. I'm so sad that things aren't the same anymore but we can still be friends what? She should take it like an adult"

To this, I showed him my middle finger. I'm sorry again. I don't think it is approriate for me to comment on this because I am in a similar situation. If someone plunges a dagger into your heart and tells you," I'm sorry but I have to do it, it will be better for all of us in the long run". Then at the same time he says" I hope that we can still remain as friends. Things can be like before."

Try living day by day with the dagger in your hurt and act as if nothing has happened. And even if you have removed the dagger, the gaping wound is still fresh. And now, someone ask" Why can't we still be friends? " This is as if " I have moved on and you should too, and we should/can still be friends. We're all adults, we should be able to take it."this is akin to slowly sprinkling salt onto the wound.

Shock No 4
They broke up through the phone. This is so damn familiar. It sucks... but well. I'll leave it at there.

Obviously, this conversation didn't go on for too long. Wasn't very pleasant. Perhaps it's just me. Weird Person with weird thoughts. Ah as I glanced at my handphone, it's another 25th.

***********

My dear A, things will never be the same because the two of you have caused it to be so. I'm not too sure who initiated it, who's right and who'e wrong. In fact many of times, there's no right or wrong. Don't try to push limits after the break-up. that's defintely wrong. Don't ask why or why not, don't ask what ifs or what if nots, just leave the poor gal alone. You have another person by your side so please don't have your cake , eat it and /or demand to have a smaller slice of another cake.

Do not judge other people by your own standards.

************

I believe I have no intention to tell A abut S's ( A's ex gf) impending departure from Singapore. Seems like this is a very "common" means of starting afresh. I am seriously considering such a move too but I digress. Ah.. just stop harrassing the poor gal ya?

**********

C dropped me a msg the other day.

" It took me 3 years to get into another relationship because of fear, the fear of another failure. Failures that I have no idea why it happened... I hope that you won't have to go through a 3 year wait, just like I have."

Thanks bro.

I have never congratulated you for walking out of the dark, in fact I won't. But I promise you, I'll be among the first to do so at the Registry of Marriages.

************

D related this story to me the other day, " A Police Story" so to say.

His good pal of 10 years, was with Central Division when it happened. His then fiancee, a non police had cheated on him. On the very eve of their impending marriage. This pal of his was so faithful that he even "locked" himself him at home, foregoing a bachelor's night with his friends and so on.

D and some other friends respected that but were forced to call him out when they witnessed something that shouldn't have. the fiancee was drinking and making merry with some other guys at a pub. A very attractive lady I must say. They were drinking and hugging, kissing.

The groom to be was called in. With much reluctance and disbelief, he left his house.

His first words were" Ok, we shall have just one drink.... and there's absolutely no need to drag my wife into the picture as an excuse what..."

Imagine his total disbelief when he witnessed what happened. The gal was totally gone and the men drinking with her tried to pick up a fight.

The wedding was called off. And the "brothers" spent the rest of the night calling up relatives and other invited guests about the cancellation.

Sidetrack a bit ah... if you ever receive such a call, please la huh.. be a bit more sensitive. Don't KPO and ask " why huh?" or " what happened ah?". Ah dey ah... confirm not a good dai jee la... so please spare everyone the agony and just say ok and thank you. Hang up the phone. The caller would have to make several more calls.

The family of the gal drag her along to the groom's place and knelt in front of him. The father even slapped and bruised the gal in an attempt to salvage the whole situation. The emotionally shaken guy even used his body to block several blows for his ermm... ex fiancee.

For the next few months, fellow officers patrolling the area would often find him lying by the sides of the streets, totally drenched with alcohol.

Well, this had an happy ending.

Some years later, he did find a nice girl and they did marry.

But on the even of the ceremony, well, the brothers took turns to stand guard by the bride's house. To ensure that she won't get to do anything silly.

Once bitten twice shy?
******

I'm just being emo here. It's afterall a 25th =)

Labels: mood, moving on, police, soulful, thoughts

"I know that you still love her a lot. But why do you not want to see her? You no longer hold it against her, but yet you decide to forgo this chance to have another look at her?"

I'm sure I did ask him this question myself. Straight forward and direct to the point. Right on the dot.

Similarly he replied.

" I don't hate her, I never did. I loved her and I still do. I given her so much in the past but she chose to believe that they are of lesser weightage( direct translation). I've never asked for anything in return but well, I 've lost everything in the end. I still love her, but I must be fair to myself. I have neglected loving and caring for myself in the past for I 've placed her needs before mine. Today, I'm learning to love myself a little more each day, just like my promise to love her more each passing day. I've got to be fair to myself this time round and learn to love myself more."

As above!....

With your laptop and blue berry next to you.... how to take a break ah???

Was on concall with several parties.

This new engineer was trying so hard to sound impressive. All her predecessors sounded so meek. She was the only impactful one. For all the wrong reasons too.

She holds a MA in Process Engineering from some Chinese Universities and a MBA from Manchester U. Her CV included some very prestigious MNCs that brough her halfway round the globe.

As this was the very first day I've been back from medical leave, my mind was still kinda blur... I need more time to process info. There she was going on and on about how her newly formulated system can improve the overall productivity worldwide.. how her team and her managed to solve several major issues. Simply put la... They can do anything, solve anything and can't go wrong. Fuck....in other words, she god... she can turn anything around.. wahahahha. If there's a fault with her, that has got to be her accent.

I'm sorry but I can't for sure tell what kind of accent is that. She sounded like a typical Chinese mainlander trying to speak English; throw in a dash of American twang and some dunno what accent..... that's how she spoke

But her best phrase that shocked the whole conference

" WIth this.... I can assure you that you can get the best "orga..sm" in the world... I can make sure that happens and will see to that......"

I believe she meant "ORGANISATION/ORGANIZATION". Whichever way you meant to spell it, please.. it's not orgasm.... that's something else...

When you have to spend the last 18 hours or so in bed and probably more to come, you probably start to observe your pillows a bit more. And yes the blanket too. I didn't realise that the brand label is torn at an angle.

I tried to sleep. My eyes are aching, my body too. The brain, probably is on strike too. I need rest. Lotsa them.

And I think I did get rest. Only to be waken by the occasion text messages and phone calls. Ok, perhaps I should swtich them off. But well, I didn't. I feel weird being cut off from the outside world. And perhaps that's why I fell sick.

I had some rest. In fact , lotsa of them. Something that's been so sorely lacking. I wish I could just fall into that deep slumber; doesn't matter if the phone kept ringing, doesn't matter if someone kept knocking on the door. And oh yes, please shut off my mind too. And no dreams please.

Somehow, dreams make my brain work hard at a time when I am supposed to be resting. And the funny thing is I don't usually remember what I dreamt of. It's a niggling feeling. I believe I've studied it for my psychology course, but I don't quite recall the explaination anymore.

I tried to recall. I think I dreamt of her. So far, yet to near.

This story is about hearts....

The 13 cards of Hearts in a pack of cards would constantly fight over who welds the greatest power. For obvious reasons, the King of Hearts would proclaim that he is the most powerful of all. He is the king. However, it all changes when you're talking about dai dee.....The 2 of Hearts would come up tops.

Now what about the rest of the cards? Don't you just hate it when you're in a game of blackjack, you have Royal Card with a ten and you're unable to get another ace? That would give you a blackjack? It would be pointless if the very next card you draw is a 2?

In other words, the importance of a card is relative. If you need a 3 to a blackjack anything less or more than that, doesn't make any sense at all. SO who is to tell me a King of Hearts is better/more valuable/more important than say a 7?

I've dug out this old story from some old archieve.

Once there was a young man who proclaimed to have the most beautiful, flawless heart. An old man challenged him. The crowd looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars. Some pieces had been removed and others had been put in, but didn’t fit quite right.

The old man looked at the young man, “I would never trade my heart for yours. Every scar represents a person I’ve given my love -- I tear out a piece and give it to them. Sometimes they give me a piece of their broken heart, which I fit along jagged edges. When the person doesn’t return my love, a painful gouge is left. Those gouges stay open, reminding me that I love these people too. Perhaps someday they will return and fill that space.”

Don't ask about WHAT IF they didn't return. This world is full of WHAT IFs.

What if someone found the most wanted terrorist in this world and manages to receive the reward?

What if I managed to purchase COSCO Corp at the beginning of the year at 2 plus per share and sold it off when it was 5 ? I would have at least made a 100 plus per cent profit.

What if I worked hard enough and gotten a scholarship after my "A" levels?

What if I bought the winning combi to yesterday's Toto?

What if......

Ah.. What if What the Fuck.......

Sometimes we spend too much time thinking of What Ifs.... In fact I can't remember what I dreamt of last night. I know I did dream of something, but I can't recall. I mean What if I can ? So now that I can't so how?

Ah.. irritating. Perhaps that explains why I suck at philo and all that all talk theory stuff.

I prefer to concentrate on what's possible currently. I prefer to listen to my mind and to my heart. I wish that my mind and heart would tell me the identical stuff. And please no more what ifs......

There are unlimited possible outcomes to the what ifs senarios. Don't waste your time spending all your efforts in exploring all of them. I know I won't and my heart won't be allowing that. I prefer to put my heart into what I can do, what I can make a difference in.

What i can't do, I'll leave that aside..... Just like I can't log into MOM's website....arghh.....

:p

Labels: reflection, views

"I thought you should be pretty expert with this already?" T remarked.

I declined his offer of a stick. Yes, I never believe that someone who once smoke can actually quit smoking. I still hold on to that view. Firmly.

Ever since the broke-up, I felt like smoking. And drinking of course. I bought a pack of Marlboro Lites and I wasted all of it. Not more than a stick, in fact a few puffs. It didn't make me feel any better; in fact it was the exact opposite. I can't imagine why I started in the first place. The second stick was at K-box. Ok, you saw it, but it didn't matter la... you had more than I did.

Alcohol, well.. it's something I drink before or after the break up. No Biggie... Any increased in consumption? Perhaps. It also pointed to something. That I hate Barons.

But did drinking make me feel better? Nope.. defintely not. It didn't make me feel worse though, so I'm alright with that. I can't drink alone. I drink a lot more that way. I need some activities to go along with it. 5-10, dice games and card games, well... they're fine. But I'll prefer a chit chat talk cok session anytime.

T asked for the bill and it came to a total of $300. His treat, he insisted. Before he left, he ordered another chivas for take-away. I have no idea why one would pay an inflated price for a bottle of chivas when he can probably get it much cheaper at the mega marts.

********

As I stepped into the cafe, he was seated at a corner. Sipping beer and having a conversation with J. I pulled over a chair and sat down next to them. They looked at me and gestured to me to go for dinner. The whole place's pretty pack and I haven't had my dinner too, hence I went along.

We had fish head curry and some side dishes. I don't normally take curries but that was good. Or perhaps I was too hungry. He didn't look the bit saddened, though he didn't appear his normal self. He ordered a beer and offered me some. I don't normally drink when I drive but somehow I believe I should take a mug. That would reduce the amount that he had to drink. With a few gulps, it was done. Tried my very best to enagage in some conversation regarding... almost everything.

Him, being the well travelled and well educated one tried his best to answer as we tucked into the wonderful curry. He tried his best to crack some jokes and we tried to laugh along. Something was wrong.

As we made our way back to the cafe and he to his car, he was pretty quiet.

" Life must and will go on" he said.

With that we bade him good-bye.

Back at the cafe, I realised the whole incident. He has just finished signing the papers for a divorce. It can't be good news when you are on the receiving end, know that one of your friends has just gone thru such an ordeal. I can't claim to know him well, but it sure did something to affect my mood.

I turned and look at the fat piece of lard. Well, he and his lady have been together for almost a decade. Their ups and downs are well documented. But what I really admire and envy is their determination to work things out and to ride out the rough times together. Which they did.

You look at Uncle and Auntie Bok. In fact, their surename is Tok but well, he's known by his last name Bok, hence everyone became a Bok. By any standards, one would label Bok as a MCP. A terrible one too. He raises his voice at his wife, uses vulgarities.... He gambles and bets heavily on 4D. His monthly income may not even sustain such a habit. He tried to justify it as a pull towards the booths, something not within his control. And he donates some of his winnings. Among the ladies, hands up those of you who would want such a husband/partner?

But the small gestures he did is sufficient to convince Auntie Bok.... He cooks the meals, does the chores and perhaps the groceries too. He would want her to rest more. And when Auntie Bok refuses, he would raise his voice and all the colourful expletives just come flying out.

When Auntie Bok got a stroke, he ran all over the places seeking help, cared for her and literally nursed her back to the pink.

*********
Now, you don't find fags and alcohol being a substitute or remedy to this, do you?

Labels: thoughts, views

Frankly speaking, I can't understand why I'm posting this. I'm a) not facing any "imperfect marriage" b) not married c) no where near getting married d) all of the above.

However, I do agree with this article. Who is perfect ? And how can 2 imperfect persons come together and make a "perfect union"? The same with any relationship I suppose. I believe that we have heard of this many times and have been advised not to have overly high expectations of our partners, be it in a dating relationship, friendship or business partnership. Whatever is expected should be reasonably practical too.

Anyway, here an article by Fr Henry Siew from St Annes' Church in Punggol.


Your spouse is imperfect; you are imperfect; don’t expect your marriage to be perfect. But you can make it happy, advises Father Henry Siew.

AN UNMARRIED MAN, who was looking for a perfect woman to marry, never got married because the “perfect” women whom he met were looking for a perfect man, and he wasn’t perfect. Well, nobody’s perfect. But it is common for a courting couple, attracted by each other’s appearance and other attractive qualities, to overlook each other’s shortcomings and think each other “perfect”.

The challenge comes when the wedding excitement and honeymoon bliss is over and the newly- weds face the daily issues of housework, paying expenses, idiosyncratic behaviour and differences in temperament. These issues often give rise to tensions and the couple then begin to see clearly each other’s faults and to pick on them.

This “sudden” awareness raises doubts of whether the choice of this lifelong partner is correct although the shortcomings are exactly what each had before. Disappointed and disillusioned, they become less tolerant and more critical of each other. Conflict leads to sharp words, sarcasm and extended silences. What should be done if they want to change this mutually stifling atmosphere?

The reality is that there is no perfect marriage because no one is perfect. Therefore, it is important for husband and wife to accept each other with all the shortcomings, learn to compromise and be forgiving. Below are some pointers to help make an imperfect marriage happy.

First, let bygones be bygones. Concentrate on building the relationship now and improving the family life for the future. There may be occasions when you are tempted to use your spouse’s past errors and failures as a weapon to attack him or her – “Three years ago you lied to me about…”; “I told you the other time not to invest and you did not listen, and what happened?” – but such nagging will not enhance your relationship. Never dig up the spouse’s past in order to humiliate him or her.

Second, move out of self-preoccupation and focus on togetherness. When a man and a woman unite in holy matrimony, they must embrace the “We” and diminish the “I”. This does not mean that each person’s identity should be obscured but rather that, with the growth of togetherness, one will be enriched by the other. Genesis 2:24 says, “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and joins himself to his wife, and they become one body.” It is therefore vital to bear in mind that all major decisions pertaining to financial, household, children’s education, etc. should be made jointly and for the common good.

Third, build up and do not destroy. Encourage and praise your spouse. If you pick on your spouse’s negatives, you induce discouragement, insecurity and mistrust. Your spouse is likely to become defensive and might counterattack. Showing greater appreciation and admiration of each other’s positive qualities can create goodwill and a feeling of being accepted and loved, and your spouse will be encouraged to be a better person.

Fourth, fight for the relationship (where both will benefit), not to boost the self. When a couple fights and one party wins, both parties actually lose since the victory of one means the defeat of the other.

Fifth, perfect yourself and not try to perfect your spouse. Learn to know yourself and be aware of your areas of improvement. When you decide to change, you can overcome some shortcomings and become more understanding, loving, healthy and successful.

However, if you try to change your spouse to be what you want, you invite resistance. The more you pressurize, the more you convey a sense of dissatisfaction and non-acceptance, and the more he or she will resist.

Finally, build spousal relationship for its own sake and not for someone else’s sake. If you really want to stay together for the sake of your children despite an unhappy relationship, then you should do all you can to salvage your couple relationship. Living under the same roof but fighting all the time will harm the children.

A blissful home is built on a strong foundation of a cohesive and nurturing husband-wife partnership. The children are most blessed when their parents love each other deeply and work hand in hand to grow their family life. All marriages are imperfect because human beings are imperfect but together you can make an imperfect one happy.

Some time back, Uncle Bok came up to me and mentioned that his wife was hit by a stroke. It was silent and extremely sudden. Their bosses refused to endorse this claiming that it happened outside working hours and the insurance companies won't be liable for this.

I'm seen Uncle Bok shouting at his wife, with vulgarities no less. The typical male chauvinist in him. However, he was the sweet doting husband when it happened. He ran all over the places, seeking help, seeing that her needs were met. He approached MOM for help but he wasn't very sure how to put the story across.

That was about 3 years ago.

Was extremely surprised to see her again. She recognised me and waved to me. She is all recovered, at least from the surface, walking around and doing the chores once again. And she offered me some kuihs to which I declined. We didn't speak much but nevertheless, I am glad to see her again.

On my way to work this morning, the DJs were commenting on the conert that we once agreed to attend. And that was like more than 2 months ago.

I'm sure the concert went on well, without me among the audience. Not too sure if she went, but that is immaterial.

Can't make up my mind where to go for lunch, I reckon it would be better to ta bao.... Just from the coffee shop down the road. the standard can be pretty inconsistent at times, so have to try my luck today

Quote of the day:

" Never realised that you can be quite ' ah beng' at times"

Oh yes, I have never tried to mask this la.... I use vulgarities, speak in Hokkien, just that I don't have a mole and curly hair... or maybe yellow boots....

Not going to play the blame game but you are very much a product of your surroundings...

I started to polish up on my Hokkien during my course of work, in fact it came very naturally to me, hence no big deal. Not too sure how did the actions and thoughts become " bengified". I suppose I don't feel it, but the people around me do?

Now, who says I'm the gentleman? Wahahhaha......

It's defintely incredible....

I have great faith in this stock but well never expect it to exceed this target in such a short moment. Those who know me well enough will know which stock I'm refering to. I'm don't consider myself risk adverse, but to ride on such expectations and emotions, probably, only the lao jiaos of the stock market can do much better.

Mr J sold off his at twice the original price and I think he bought that like 2 mths ago. Kenny mentioned that he made a profit of $2000 on this and that's like only less than a month holding this share? And I'm sure many more would have made a killing.

" Huat ah!!" that's a common cry I hear nowadays, especially if you go to any trading house or any of their branches. You see all ages, from young punks to retirees. They become friends simply by talking about stocks.

However, the real danger lurks from beneath. The Dow fell, HSI isn't flourishing and so is the Nikkei. But how come STI still so power ah? I'm sure every "investor" in the market has his own theory. But all I can say is that, the best is yet to come.

And by that I mean buying in when the market is down and selling it off when it is bullish. I have seen my fair share of contra players getting burnt. Mai siao siao... can kill leh.

But whatever it is, fire is a good servant but a bad master. Don't get burnt by this surge.

=)

He wasn't too please to note that he would have to make a trip up north again. Normally this would mean that someone or something screwed up and it's a fire fighting session.

It wasn't so much the trip , but more of , something's happened again. Was only informed of the trip the previous evening. Didn't really have much of a choice. In fact, he was asked to go last Friday, only for him to be on half day's leave.

Apparently, the issue wasn't resolved and it's now it's his turn.

It only took some 30 minutes to get to the other side. It's quiet a record in fact. Haven't experience such a smooth trip before. Incidentally Jay Chou's 《一路向北》was on the airwave. A stretch of a major road was blocked for road works. It was also known as the seaside area. It's just a kilometre or two from Danga Bay, hence the name. It was low tide.

He haven't seen this area on a low tide before. A detour had to be made in order to clear this area, hence in doing so , cut across a whole cluster of residential areas. There are some wonderful houses, pearched on a hill, with their own garages and fleets of cars. A pretty relaxed atmosphere . Mind you, all this on a Tuesday morning...

If you think SIngaporeans are horrible drivers, wait till you see the real masters, or monsters I should say. Lane markings on the expressways seem to be non-exsistent. Whoever drives the fastest and whoever is the most daring wins. Three lanes can become four lanes and things like that... Huge trucks whizz past you, making you seem so insignificant. Some can actually try their luck with F1 racing lah.. not too sure if they have a category for trucks. Can Simpang take that?

As the GPS beeped, informing him of the close proximity to his intended destination, Stole a glance at the screen. Ah... Ithe car was travelling across vegetation.... Seems like some updating of the map needs to be done.

As the car entered the compound, the security guard snapped to attention, and rendered a smart salute, open palm, a la British style. He looked weird with the oversized uniform, a red lanyard and the shinny pips on his shoulders.Frankly speaking, is there a need to salute anyway? This is a civilian organisation ya?

Stepped into the office area. The Senior Engineer was still having breakfast/tea. He beckoned his assistant over, produced his name card and a smile. He doesn't normally smile because he doesn't think that heI looked good.

Almost immediately, he was ushered into conference room. No less than a minute, she stepped into the room, trying her very best to put up a smile.

" Could you please send me the report before noon and it must be signed by your boss, Anthony."

" But...we're...."

" Sorry, no buts."

He stood up and walked towards her.

" I don't think you have seen me flared up. or have you? Or would you want to experience it?" He whispered in her ears.

After packing up everything, he made his way back to the car. The trip only took him 40 minutes before he knew it, he was back in office. Upon stepping into his office, he received the report.

Full of blanks and uncompleted portions. Some heads got to roll........ He smelt blood.....

Congrats and best wishes to the following:

Mr and Mrs Chew HY

Mr and Mrs Lee BP

Mr and Mrs Tan G

Mr and Mrs Chin G W

Bests wishes for your marriage =)

Birthday Wishes:
Happy birthday to Trixie.....

Ya .. how I wish....

haha... with so many people having a slice of the cake... hmm... pretty unusual.

But it beats better than nothing la.. like me like that ....

=)

Work hard... invest smart... life will be much better

once in a while buy toto... small small will do... treat it like a donation la...

I know that you're in pain, I know that you ain't feeling good. I really wish I could be by your side, to hold you, to care for you. When the going gets tough, when the agony seeps in, to be there for you, to love you.

Just like a shakespearean play, the scence moves but the character remains. Things are simply not the same anymore. I know for sure I can't be like what I used to be before.

Prayers are what I can offer, for only the Almighty One showers unconditional love. Let Him take away your pain. On my end, I can only pray. For you.

This is for LF.

Thanks for remembering me and for mentioning me in your blog. Somehow my name was spelt entirely and not in some "@" or "0".

And thanks for reading my rants and pardon the less than perfect English. I think I 'm a helicopter and hence the helicopter English. =)

Best wishes and " Huat ah!!"

I woke up feeling tired, extremely so despite going to bed relatively earlier. The quality of sleep isn't there. I felt downcasted, flabbergasted, horrified. But what for? I mean, I don't remember having a bad dream, nor did I experience anything unpleasant or am in a sitcky situation. Put it simply, I can't find any reason for me to feel so fuck up.

The stock market didn't do too well, nor was it too bad, in layman's terms. I think I shall stop for the time being. Don't feel too comfortable today.

The first thing that happened to me in the morning was to be summoned to a customer's place. Got it big time.Seriously, I don't have a solution to the problem. But nevertheless, I had to smile. No solution also must smile; kenna left right centre also must smile.... It was just like being in a pressure cooker. A morning of rush, rush and rush.

In the event that you realised that I haven't been blogging as frequently, yes you are right. I have resumed my trips to JB. So if anyone of you happen to be in the area, give me a call, perhaps can meet for lunch or tea.

The internet connection went down again.... the fax got affected as well. We were criticised for being slow or non responsive. I can 't possibly tell them, " no, it's not my fault, singnet's fault". But the fact remains that we've missed several hours due to the delay.

Finally I got to knock off from work. As I made my way out, I had a glance at the huge calender on the whole. You know those kind whereby you peel off a piece of paper for every day passed. It showed a huge number "3".

Oh well, perhaps that explains it... it's another 3rd of the month... the "time of the month again".....

Upset.

I have no idea why this is so. I just didn't feel good. What is it regarding I really have no idea. I won't call it a mood swing. Just felt that I don't feel good anymore.

WORK

Could it be because of work? I don't think so. In fact, I never felt so relaxed before. I won't say I'm starting to enjoy my work, in fact, work pressure is ever increasing. However, I take pride that I'm in a much better position to perform my duties. I feel more confident and yes, results don't lie.

FAMILY

Well, things aren't stressful as long as work isn't brought up. Not much time for time to talk about work too. Hence, all is well

FRIENDS

I have wonderful friends that have stood by me, supported me throughout one of the most unbelievable moments in life. Yes, till this very day, some still ask me if what happened is/was true. Yes, it happened and nothing much left to say la. I really appreicate their presence when I was down and out.

THE ONE UP THERE

I thank You for Your blessings and guidance. Not too sure where to start and where to end, the list just goes on.

"Lord I'm not worthy to receive you, only say the word and I shall be healed"

Oh well,

1st July 2007?

Important milestones

- SAF Day, 40th anniversary
-7 % GST
- Youth Day ( I'm not youthful anymore)
- Ban on indoor smoking in pubs

What else ah????